Someone said some things that made me question some things - about myself.
Things that made me wonder:
Do I shine Christ well?
Do I really have anything important to say?
Does God's mission for me count?
Their words unloaded doubt, fresh pallets of discouragement set directly on my heart- the weight of which seemed nearly unbearable.
Every part of me wanted to yell back at them, "Be nice! Don't you know I am fragile."
"I just poured out my heart to you - and you're now stomping on it?"
"How dare you? You are mean."
But, grown people don't normally talk this way. So, I didn't.
What I did say, or rather hear from the Word of God was this question (which is probably a million times more impactful than my original response): Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? Gal. 1:10
This verse plays out to us, hurt ones, in layman's terms much like this:
- Dear child, others may try do define you, but I have made you.
- Dear child, you may not be good enough for them, but I have created you good enough for me.
- Dear child, I don't rule according to man's opinions, I rule according to my truth.
- Dear child, I am looking for those who follow at all costs, not those bending and breaking to man's needs.
- Dear child, if I led you, you can't be led wrong.
- Dear child, if you listen, you will hear my voice and can walk assured of my path.
- Dear child, if I am for you, no one can be against you.
- Dear child, if you do something with me, no grain or crumb expended is a waste.
- Dear child, take a pause, for I have told you not to seek applause.
- Dear child, you do not know their internal battle; perhaps you are the peace to their war.
- Dear child, people speak from the depravity of flesh but I speak from the wellspring of life.
When you hear these kinds of things from God, you look at God and say, "Ok. You know best."
And somehow, maybe even unknowingly, you set that person free in your mind, figuring, in them, God is probably doing some work. You see them flying smaller and smaller in the distance and you trust that God's will is being done - in your life and theirs. And maybe, just maybe, you even let it sneak out - a little smile.
One that all can see as you walk. One that shows that, with God, you are just a tad bit more at peace, full and taken care of than you ever could have been without him.
Suddenly, you don't feel so bad anymore. For you know, that this small progress is what faith is made of and that small scales up a mountain, before long, land you at the top - where you can see everything with clarity.
So you trust God, and step up by faith - knowing that, one day, you will stand on the mountaintop of eternity, where all things culminate - and where real life begins. So, until then, you stay firm in your pursuit of what matters and carry on fighting and climbing, listening and returning, hoping and trusting - until that one day comes where you find yourself, home.
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