I probably would be the girl that you'd least like to walk behind on a busy street. I might even be the one that you'd silently curse under your breath (although not too loudly or discernibly because you are Christian, after all), but all the same I wouldn't be surprised if you did. You might even step on my heels a little to give me a quick signal I am being slow, rude and indignant.
Heck, I may even deserve it.
But, would I stop doing it? No way. Would I stop listening to the small voice that speaks about 2 feet below me. I don't think so.
You see, I think that little voice of immaturity is on to something all the rest of us have been missing. He is on to something that in our pursuit of destination we miss. He is on to the small meaning of life, the beauty in the cracks of a sidewalk and the peculiarities in a bird with a beak of an different variety.
He is mesmerized by creation and affirmed
in God's determination to show love.
We call it a sidewalk. He calls it a God-walk.
We call it a place where you move from one place to another. He calls it a place you see one glory to another.
We call it a stroll, he calls it God being on a roll.
"Stop mommy, you gotta see those birds over there. Take a picture!"
"Stop mommy, do you see that little flower sticking out of the wall? Take a picture!"
"Stop mommy, do you see the way the sun is coming out of the clouds? Take a picture!"
Snap that shot mommy and don't let me ever forget about this little slice of moment where what God showed is greater than the crazy, mundane and forced things in this world. Capture the moment of greatness that only those who have the small eye seeking beauty can find. Get that and let me hold on to it so I can remember how God wanted me to see him above the scary, freaky and dark things of world.
A moment that will last forever.
How often do I look at the world like one waiting to be mesmerized?
How often do you?
I always thought I could see, but now I see, I was always becoming blind.
Maybe it happens to others like me. The ones who pull "drive" out of their back pocket and put on the glasses of determination to try to get themselves somewhere. Ones who believe they'll end up seeing peace, joy and life from goals, plans and agendas. These types, they run a fast race; they move like a panther in hot pursuit of prey (work, spouses, cleanliness, promotions, money, vacations, internal value (fill in blank), yet tired and panting, huffing and puffing they always land in the same place - in the alley called dead end, dead life and dead weight.
I should know, busted my head in that alley. I told myself I needed to be best in my class (fail.). I told myself I needed to get the best job ever out of college (I went bust at the job after a year). I told myself I needed to press through an abusive situation (nightmares plagued me).
Dead-locked vision left me for dead and on lock down with discouragement.
Tunnel vision drive, driving towards anything but God's goals leaves you driving into a head-on collision where you feel like you can't breathe and you are not sure if you can return to normal life.
I thought those who try hard - win big. Where did I go wrong?
Blind folk start to see again, when they aren't afraid to see themselves as dirty.
After saying this, (Jesus) spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man's eyes. Jo. 9:6
Yet, I don't think it is only this. It is not just saying, "Hey God, go ahead, put that stinking muck on me. I am okay with it. I am okay with seeing myself as tarnished, hurt, powerless and needing the reality of myself to cleanse me."
Nope. I think it transcends this.
"Go," (Jesus) told him, "wash in the Pool of Siloam" (this word means "Sent"). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing. Jo. 9:7
Be willing to wear the grime of your self, your past, your wrongs, and your traumas - and then allow yourself to be sent out. See those things in a way where they earned your masters degree of life learning.
You let the dirt sit afresh on your eyes, you feel the muck and the yuck, and then you let the word "sent" compel your whole being to move to greater insight, vision and power; you move with them and beyond them all at the same time.
Then you start to see. As the grime of what you really are, the disgust of what you have been and the pain of shame wash off, you finally get somewhere.
"I went and washed, and then I could see." Jo. 9:11
I could see innocence.
I could see through eyes untarnished.
I could see roads untainted.
I could see the slow movement of ordinary things.
I could see worry dissipate and fears calm.
I could see people - pained people.
I could see glory - in sunrises, sunsets, grime and grit.
I could see beauty - in grace extended.
I could see growth - by offering space.
I could see life - budding in the small forging of patience.
I could see flowers - protrude from the cracks of pain.
I could see longing, desire and hope.
It is a picture that even words fall short of explaining. So, you just stop, drop your jaw at what you see, then you look for someone that doesn't have their head stuck in automated zombie-zone, and together, you snap a picture. Usually with the child, the innocent one who gets the greatness of God. And, then, you go about carrying on in the mayhem called planet earth until God staggers yet again with all he has stored up in the unseen places of the world.
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