I was tempted. I was tempted to look at something online that I knew was very, very bad for me to look at. I wanted to look so badly. I wanted to see. It was like a little box I could open in secret.
That box is thrill...I stared at it.
And between me and that momentary treasure, a finger seemingly popped up, beckoning, "Come here, Kelly, what harm is there in the looking?"
Who will it hurt?
How much does it matter?
No one will know.
You can decide when to stop.
God knows, you aren't perfect.
It won't really hurt.
Except it does - hurt. I have done those things before, I knew I shouldn't. It always hurts. It hurts like a platoon of bees in attack mode. You see, because even if it is the smallest transgression, even if it is one I can easily write off - it follows. It chases.
It chases saying...
"You little failure."
"You horrid little mess-up."
"You will never get things right."
It leaves you nauseous, like that huge slice of cake you knew you shouldn't have downed at midnight. Blah.
You feel sick. Then you run. Far. From God. Fast. Maybe inadvertently, but still, you do. Because you want to hide under your bed, so he can't see you anymore. You don't want him to see your shame.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Gen. 3:8
When you turn your back on God,
you become convinced God turned his back on you.
He never did, though.
He never will, though.
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Heb. 3:15
God is with me, even when temptation wants to beat me.
Father was with Jesus, even when devil tried to tempt him.
If only I can remember this.
Perhaps, then, I might be able to do these four things:
Temptation has no power when you say no.
And, when all else fails, I can confess and convince my heart to run back into daddy's arms. He waits. He waits not with hands on hips, head cocked and an exasperated sigh, but with relief that we are reunited.
He wants me back, even when I have turned my back. He wants you back too.