Sometimes I scare myself.
I see that ugly side of me, the side I normally try to hide from the camera.
The Kelly who wants to be someone.
The Kelly who wants adoration, affirmation and appreciation.
The Kelly who needs to be seen and loved.
It normally appears in a crutched moment of inadequacy where I require dose of feel-better medicine to get me feeling good about myself again.
In these moments, I start believing:
Greatness and prominence trump Christ's gift of significance.
That no one notices humility, but they notice desirability.
That recognition is fuel and that submission is old school.
I am learning I have to keep an eye on the thermometer of my heart, because when the its-about-me heat starts to rise, my heart grows cold, love freezes over and I lose track of the one I love most.
Me. Myself. I.
How am I seen? What will I do?
What will I build? Am I as good?
Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth. Genesis 11:4
To make a name.
Is that what I want?
Because, I full well know, it is only about one name: The name above all names, the alpha and omega, the lion and the lamb, the great I AM, the hope of glory, the Savior of the world, the beginning and the end. It all starts and ends with him.
At days end, my name will be worth nothing and his will be worth everything.
At days end, accomplishments will fade and all that will remain is love.
At days end, stages vanish. The great stage of godliness, purity and humility will be all that endures.
Anything done in my name will be a signature destined for a shredder upon my final days, but anything done in his name will last forever.
Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. Ps. 127:1
Without Jesus, my best words are babble. If it's not spoken in the dialect of love, it's spoken in the dialect of stupidity.
It's like speaking worthless syllables of a tribal language to a two-year old - they are destined to be edited, obliterated or forgotten. They just speak confusion.
Therefore its name was called Babel (close to Hebew word confusing), because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth. Gen. 11:9
Am I babbling in futility or am I loving in humility?
Am I striving by my efforts or am I receiving love through his?
Everyone loses when agendas move away from the foundation of Jesus. Love is averted. Unity is destroyed. Life-change is missed. People get hurt.
Heaven is missed.
I don't wan't to miss that glimpse, not even one slice of heaven - of goodness. I want the whole pie! I want to be so doused in the sweetness of heaven that I have no teeth left and I don't even care.
If any man's work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. 1 Cor. 3:14-15
May our eyes soak in the height of the mercy showered on us. May we embrace a vagabond hearts to become traveling temples of God. May we not see any service as meaningless, but ask Christ if he agrees with this mentality when we begin to.
With Jesus, no person is too low, no place off-limits, no heights untouchable, but if it is not done with him, it is done for self.
Jesus, let every ounce of us be poured out for every ounce of your blood - your love.
A job well done. May the person end up loving you more.
An amazing ministry time. No pride, just deep praise for the great God at work.
An awesome business opportunity. May more know Christ.
A financial outpouring of blessings. A means to bring an end to someone's captivity.
An outstanding compliment. A way to point to the glory that is God.
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Cor. 13:3
If we can't do it in love, we may as well be doing nothing.
Lord, let our love mean something!
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