Jennifer Kostick– Jennifer has been married for twenty-three years to her high school sweetheart, Paul. She is the mother of three children, Paul IV (22), Samuel (6), and Grace (6). She also has six babies residing in heaven. It is those six tiny souls who have propelled her into women’s ministry. She is a conference speaker and author of the book Nothing to Hold but Hope (one woman's journey through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility). Jennifer blogs at www.Jenniferkostick.com and is passionate about encouraging women through a godly message of mercy and hope.
I’m convinced that each day people live amazing stories without realizing what’s unfolding around them. In every moment, ready or not, the crazy beautiful unfurls. It often spills out in the form of tears, lost dreams, and maybe even includes some cemetery dirt. To find the lovely we have to pursue it, chase after it, lose our breath digging through what no one else would ever wish. It takes knees bent to the ground, audacious enough to be honest about their fury, in order to unearth holy fire.
Almost twenty years ago, I buried a baby girl in a pink casket. It changed my life – mainly because I almost buried myself with her. However, it was through the grieving process I became whole. In my book, I told a story about fighting insanity which begged me to go dig her up in the middle of the night. For a very long time, I thought every dream I ever had was buried in that tiny, pink death box six feet under.
You’re braver than you know.
The Lord told Joshua to be strong and courageous; we have evidence of it in Joshua 1:9. Those words apply to all of us. When God spoke to Joshua, at the very same time, He was speaking to us. And, He was fully aware of it. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t yet been conceived, or hadn’t faced a fallen world with lots of hard quests to attempt conquering. He knew our names from the very beginning and when He believed in the patriarchs, He was believing in us at the same time. He spoke prophetically to a world full of humans He knew would one day exist.
Mind blowing, isn’t it?
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and if you know me, then you know that fifteen years of my life was wrapped up tight in sorrow from miscarriage, stillbirth, and secondary infertility. You probably know I began writing because suffering led me to find my dreams again. Actually, it led me to dreams I didn’t know I had.
You may have never suffered infertility or fetal death of any kind, your problems might be entirely different. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. Suffering binds us close, and when it comes to the language of tears we are all fluent. What does matter is this: there is a God who believes in you and knows you have it in you to be strong and courageous. He knows you have the ability to not only win this battle, but the whole war. Why? Because He’s already claimed victory for you. Jesus died to seal you victoriously with His spirit. Abundant life in every form is waiting for you!
Listen, we get wrapped up in over-thinking problems and losing faith inside fear. It doesn’t have to be that way. You aren’t defined by infertility, death, or grief from any source. You are defined by a living God who says, “You can do ALL things.” (See Philippians 4:13)
We must learn to serve God in the midst of “even if not” Yes, He can deliver you, but even if not, He has a plan. Even if not, He loves you. Even if not, every foe will be defeated! He tends to answer in His way rather than ours. He doesn’t need our advice or help, only our prayers and trust. It was when I learned to trust God in the midst of the even if not, that I became free to believe in the mystery of what might be next. What we cannot see is always more beautiful than what we think we can see. Our vision is more hazy than most of us would like to admit.
To all of you who are hurting, I want to challenge you to believe in the even if not. Trust in what He wills, and believe in the God who has always believed in you! Be strong and courageous! And if you feel like it’s not in your power to be strong and courageous, then good. Because it’s only in His power. Friend, it’s the only way. He is the only way!
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me…”
If you would like to read my journey, you can learn more about my book by clicking here.