Jennifer Kostick– Jennifer has been married for twenty-three years to her high school sweetheart, Paul. She is the mother of three children, Paul IV (22), Samuel (6), and Grace (6). She also has six babies residing in heaven. It is those six tiny souls who have propelled her into women’s ministry. She is a conference speaker and author of the book Nothing to Hold but Hope (one woman's journey through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility). Jennifer blogs at www.Jenniferkostick.com and is passionate about encouraging women through a godly message of mercy and hope.
As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
-1 Peter 4:10
Last Saturday morning, September 19th, I was preparing to teach a Bible study when I recognized the date. It was my three year blogging anniversary. This one went unnoticed.
A slow transformation has taken place since September 19th, 2012.
In the still, quiet moments when I look deep, I see the hand of God sculpting this journey. Through unexpected grief, tears of laughter, deep connections with friends, and the moving-on process from intimate feelings I was forced to surrender, my unmarked path is beginning to show imprints of knees pressed to the ground.
And I like this person better.
I like bending low with aspirations of lifting Him high.
I like that I’ve crawled through mud, practically drowned inside of it, only to reemerge with clean lines down my cheeks as a result of the tears that washed them.
I’m in awe of how grief can dirty us and yet cause us to become fresher than ever.
I love that Jesus takes tiny glimpses of gifts inside each of us, refines them through fire, and says, “Go and live authentically for Me .”
And we all know that living means dying.
Dying to ourselves, to our own wants and needs, dying to love affairs with sin and shame and anything at all that might hinder us. Yet it’s through this process that we can grasp the hem of Christ’s garment in a tug-of-war struggle for life and hope.
Whoever thought that relinquishing everything we considered we were born to be, would lead us to that which we were too afraid to dream of becoming?
I look back on the little girl who was afraid of everything, unwilling to step out, and now see the woman who is still afraid of most things, yet steps out anyway. Only Jesus does that. And He does it through stillness of soul…
Since beginning my blogging journey I’ve received emails, comments, and social media messages from women who cannot find their gifts, or from those who have found them but long for those gifts to lead them to larger platforms.
I’ve wrestled with all of it in my own life, and I’ve found two valid points:
For the last two years, I’ve written in the October Write 31 Days Challenge. I have to say that for me, it’s transformed from a challenge to a calling.
This October, I will be writing about believing in our gifts while staying still.
I know it seems crazy. Especially, in light of the fact that we are taught to chase our dreams in order to achieve them…
I realize that my subscribers are not used to receiving an email every single day from me. If you’re a subscriber and choose to unsubscribe, I understand. However, I hope you join me on this journey. I’m looking forward to sharing some experiences I’ve had over the last year. The good and the bad. (There’s been fancy book agents and unexpected roads.) My prayer is to encourage you to find your gifts, and use them, through the stillness of Christ.
I will meet you back here on October 1st for The Struggle to Live a Still Life. (31 Days of Letting Go and Trusting Christ to Lead.)
I would love to hear from you in terms of how you feel about your own gifts. Have you uncovered yours? Are you working to achieve it? Are you disappointed? Are you stuck in the mud of grief and wrestling to be used?