Emily began writing short stories and poetry as a little girl, entered the blogging world in her early 20's, and recently released her first book, Yielded in His Hands (eLectio Publishing). She enjoys being a stay-at-home momma while still being able to freelance write. Believing she has been forgiven of much, she loves much, and desires to point others to Christ and His redemptive and transforming power. If you would like to connect with Emily or learn more about her book, you can visit her website: www.emilyrosemassey.com
For the first fifteen years of my life, my view of God and Christianity was purely religious and an empty routine- attending church and Sunday school weekly and going through the sacraments, but never really understanding why. I just followed the rules and didn’t ask any questions. I memorized the “Our Father” and the “Nicene Creed” and attempted to memorize the “Prayer to the Holy Spirit” and “Hail Mary.” To me, they were just words, so after a while, I saw no point in even trying. I remember my Sunday school teachers focusing on stories of the Old Testament and thinking God was angry and would smite me down with a lightning bolt if I sinned. I had no revelation of the Father’s love or grace or forgiveness or the sacrifice of the Cross. The only thing I knew of Jesus was that He was one of the persons of the Trinity as “the Son.” I saw Him hanging on the crucifix at the front of the church every Sunday, but to me, it was just a statue- a piece of art, almost.
As I got older, it very obviously became harder and harder for me to keep from sinning or follow the rules. A spirit of lust that I believe laid dormant from some seeds of sexual perversion that were planted early on in my childhood began to tighten its grip around my young heart. Right from the moment I entered high school, I got entangled in alcohol abuse and a promiscuous lifestyle in the backseat of cars. My straight ‘A’ reputation at school and my church attendance on Sundays were just covering up my reputation that I had on Friday nights. I wanted people to think I had it all together, but once people started talking, I was having a difficult time keeping my mask on. By the time spring came my freshman year of high school, the guilt and shame from the names girls were calling me and the gossip that filled the lunchroom became too much to bear. My solution was to confess everything to my mom and attempt to live differently. I wanted a fresh start so my answer was to seek out a relationship with “the Christian kid.” Maybe just simply being out Christian would help me become one, I thought to myself.
When I started dating this boy from school, not much changed. I was still behaving promiscuously with him, but tried keeping it hidden by attending church and youth group meetings. Although I had a bad taste in my mouth regarding religion, I remember being drawn in by the contemporary worship music of his church church. I actually enjoyed being there and wanted to learn more and read my Bible that the church gave me once I became a member. As the months went by, I experienced a few “God moments” where I felt Him tapping me on the shoulder during the sermon.
One of those “God moments” occurred at a youth conference that our youth group attended when I was sixteen. I don’t remember exactly what the preacher was saying accept that my heart was about to beat out of my chest if I did not run to the foot of that alter and surrender my heart to Jesus, who I just found out died on that Cross so that I would be forgiven and given a new life in Him.
I ran to the foot of the altar and cried out to God in desperation, “Oh God, please save me! I don’t want to do this on my own anymore. Jesus, be my Savior!”
Shortly after I made that confession, I was right back in the same mess I had found myself in before, and as the years went on, WORSE.
Alcohol, sex, adultery, pride, selfishness, lying…
To this day, that has always bothered me.
How could someone be awakened to the truth that they are sinful and need a Savior, embrace Jesus, and still live in darkness?
Was my salvation experience false?
These questions would haunt me for many years…
Check out more of my blogs on www.emilyrosemassey.com! Also, visit my website for more information on how to stay connected with me, as well as info about my book Yielded in His Hands- now available on Amazon.com!