bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it work?
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bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it work? - 6/16/2008 10:33:25 AM
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Quayla349
Posts: 4
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: Midlothian,Va
Status: offline
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Okay this is kinda like a complicated thing to explain, but I'll try explaining it so you can understand.
My best friend and I have been bestfriends since probably a month before our freshman year started. I have liked him since the end of the 8th. So it wasn't very long after the fact that we became close. Turned about last summer, he felt the same about me. We talked about our relationship and whether or not that was best. I have kept the mindset since I was younger that I didn't want to play the dating game and if I was to go out with somebody, I would want for him to be my husband. He was on the same page as well and wanted for his next gf to be his wife. I talked to my parents about the situation, my mom seemed fine with it, but my dad seemed a little hesitant. One for the fact that I have never talked about liking boys a day in my life. Two, it seemed like my mind was completely submerged in basketball and boys were the very last thing on the list. And Three, he didn't feel as though the timing was right. I was 15 at the time. After a little while, my dad and mom both agreed that it was okay for us to be together. Everything seemed to go okay, but right before we hit 9 months, my parents then felt as though they should establish a "no boyfriend" rule. Its pretty much established til I'm 18... or out the house.. pretty much. I had to be obedient, so I called him the following week, and explained it to him. He perfectly understood, and we agreed about a month later that the decision that my parents have made was best for us because we both noticed that our relationship with God wasn't nearly as strong as it was when we first started going out. So we pretty much settled it. I went through I lot of pain at first. I would cry several times. I've finally adjusted to the situation and I've made the decision that I wasn't going to date anymore, even after the rule my parents have made is no longer held over me. If we get back together, Its better for it to be engagement, when we are actually old enough to marry.
I had said all of that basically to start of with this,
I want to remain close friends with him, but it seems like we are getting more distant as time progresses. Something that I wanted to avoid when I first started liking him and we became close. I never wanted our friendship to be jeoprodized. Now I probably only talk to him two or three times a week. I only see him at church. But when I see him, I maybe only talk to him for like ten minutes then one of us has to go. A few times a only see him but never get the chance to talk to him. I'm not allowed to talk to him on the phone, so its pretty much through instant messaging that we communicate. But when we talk, sometimes it seems as though he doesn't have any interest in talking to me. There were also many times I regret not waiting to go out with him because our friendship is very valuable to me. You know how you find a really good friend, someone who builds you up spiritually, makes you feel like you're the best, and you never want to lose him/her. That's how he is to me. I don't want to lose his friendship. Even if we never get back together.
I want to talk to him about it. But I can't seem to find the words to say, the courage to say them, or the opportunity.
Its something that is driving me off the wall. At first everything was going great since we broke up. My relationship with God has gotten so much stronger. My spiritual eyes have widened. I have gotten to a point where I was addicted to my friend, but then I became delivered from the addiction. Everything was good, but then all of a sudden it collapses on me. I don't know what to do, or how to talk to him. What should I do?
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RE: bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it... - 6/16/2008 10:49:34 AM
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preserved
Posts: 1124
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
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Sounds like your boyfriend has adjusted to the fact that your parents placed you under restriction of not being able to date until you are 18...Since that being the case...he more than likely has re-stricted his time with you...He is still your friend but not in regards to dating. He knows this as well as you...You are asking him to be best friends with you while at some point the two of you took it beyond the "best friends" into a dating relationship...then that was put to a halt..So with that being said...what is he suppose to do? It is hard to recapture being bestfriends without any feelings involved in your case because that already occured..He knows you can't date and he has accepted that. He has to place distance between you for now...
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RE: bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it... - 6/16/2008 3:48:16 PM
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Quayla349
Posts: 4
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: Midlothian,Va
Status: offline
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I guess that makes a lot of sense.... Its something extra that I need to adjust to
_____________________________
J.C. Cameron
Ephesian 6:10-18
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RE: bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it... - 6/19/2008 9:08:26 AM
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Ninjaearth
Posts: 33
Joined: 2/16/2008
From: Washington, D.C. - Maryland
Status: offline
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Honestly, this is a slight different situation that I was in regarding my best friend. We never dated but did have and have expressed feelings of affection before, but we never once crossed the line. It will be our 13 year anniversary for our friendship this year.
If you and this guy are strong in your friendship and you communicate constantly, or keep each other informed no matter where you go in life, you will always be friends (even if you don't communicate regularly). My best friend and I could not talk for months, let alone for weeks. But yet, when we do, it's always a great thing to know that we remember each other and tell each about what's been happening in our lives. She's the only individual that I've known for so long, aside from my parents, for most of my life. Even if we did date and then decided not to again, I think it wouldn't harm our friendship anymore than anything can now. However, she isn't saved (something I didn't always notice until in the recent years) she I couldn't date her even if I wanted to. All I do is pray for her and witness to her given the opportunity. In your case, you are both Christians and have a great relationship with the Lord. Keep trusting God to mend your friendship into a stronger rock, and if it is God's will for you two to be together, then trust Him to bring all things together in such a way that you two will be together forever. Nevertheless, focus on being friends and see what God is doing in His life and remain sensitive to what God may call him to do, even if it doesn't result in you two getting back together again. Because the friendship isn't about you two wanting to be together but rather about what God wants to do with you both and His plan to use you to glorify His name. With that said, pray and ask and pray and ask and pray ask again, but in the meantime be his friend and trust God for what you don't know. In all things, be cheerful and cast all your cares on Him. God bless!!
_____________________________
"Spiritual Soldier Ninjaearth"
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RE: bestfriends to dating to bestfriends again.. can it... - 6/20/2008 2:47:51 PM
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kornfannatic08
Posts: 7
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline
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As ninjaearth just said, I think it's important to trust God. It's always complicated when you're walking the fine line between friends and more, so just remember that life is messy and sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
Good luck!
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