Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relationship?
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Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relationship? - 7/30/2008 12:08:06 AM
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sausageroll
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/30/2008
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Hello all. I have been dating a guy for about 5 months now. Throughout this time I have been in two-minds about whether he is the right man for me to marry. He is a nice guy, we get along well, but he isn't as spiritually mature as I am - I think he has back slided somewhat. I remember feeling very convicted in the beginning of the relationship, particularly in response to sermon's I had heard about making right choices and about doing God's will, as though God wanted me to break of the relationship - however I tried to put it out of my mind. I often experience uneasiness about the relationship, yet the times when I have felt closest to God, such as in prayer or worship I have not sensed as though God was telling me to break up with this guy. I received a word of prophesy a few weeks ago from a well-known preacher - 'you don't have to be broken, God has a good plan for your life' - with no reference to the uneasiness I have felt regarding my boyfriend. I am hearing a million voices full of mixed-messages. I really do not want to end the relationship with this guy, I think I can be a good spiritual influence. However, I hope that my strong desire to stay with him is not clouding my judgment in terms of hearing God's voice. I am tired of being in torment about this - how can I make a decision about this relationship and stay firm once I've made it? Your thoughts would be appreciated.
< Message edited by sausageroll -- 7/30/2008 12:30:31 AM >
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Re: - 7/30/2008 12:16:50 AM
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stimulus
Posts: 176
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Speaking as a pentecostal who most certainly believes in the reality of words of prophesy, I can tell you how you should make this decision. You should decide based on what the Bible teaches, plain and simple.
There are all sorts of ways to interpret your word of prophecy, if it was indeed a word from God. However, the Bible is abundantly clear that we should not be unequally yoked. You said that you think your boyfriend is currently 'back slided' somewhat. That is a major problem.
You need to set all your feelings and emotional responses aside and look to the Bible for your clear guidance. Your message is just oozing with all the ways that you are relying on emotional responses - how you felt when the relationship started, how you felt when someone preached about obeying God, how you felt when the word of prophesy came, etc.
If you want to hear God's voice, I suggest studying the Bible.
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RE: Re: - 7/30/2008 2:00:47 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1442
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stimulus
Speaking as a pentecostal who most certainly believes in the reality of words of prophesy, I can tell you how you should make this decision. You should decide based on what the Bible teaches, plain and simple.
There are all sorts of ways to interpret your word of prophecy, if it was indeed a word from God. However, the Bible is abundantly clear that we should not be unequally yoked. You said that you think your boyfriend is currently 'back slided' somewhat. That is a major problem.
You need to set all your feelings and emotional responses aside and look to the Bible for your clear guidance. Your message is just oozing with all the ways that you are relying on emotional responses - how you felt when the relationship started, how you felt when someone preached about obeying God, how you felt when the word of prophesy came, etc.
If you want to hear God's voice, I suggest studying the Bible.
Well, I'm a Presbyterian, and I agree with this brother. I think your bf could be a carnal Christian and you might not be; then you could be unequally yoked. Bad combination. If you are carnal too, you don't want to be making any big decisions in this state.
You may be uneasy because you know there's a problem and you deny it. Does it keep popping up in your mind? If so, time to be honest with yourself and the Lord. You can't have a carnal guy and serve a holy God at the same time. One will keep you away from the other.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Re: - 7/30/2008 4:10:54 AM
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grace4theday
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I believe that you have answered your own question in the first few words of your post. – “Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relationship”. The Word states that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. This can also be looked at as what you what and what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you. Marriage is something that you should not enter into lightly. Those of us who are married can attest to that I’m sure. Even in the best of marriages there are going to be problems but if you are getting red flags or warning signs please pay attention. We don’t want to see you on here a year from now talking about going through a divorce.
quote:
I really do not want to end the relationship with this guy, I think I can be a good spiritual influence. However, I hope that my strong desire to stay with him is not clouding my judgment in terms of hearing God's voice.
The fact that you mention that your desire for him might be clouding your judgment and not allowing you to pay attention to God’s voice means that you need to take some time and get in your prayer closet and ask God for direction. Submit your will to HIS. He wont leave you hanging or without an answer, but until you are certain just stand and wait on the Lord.
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 4:20:17 AM
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musicboss11
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Welcome to the boards. Glad your here. It sounds like your uneasy because you know the right thing to do, but don't want to do it. It's unwise to make decisions based on feelings, or emotions because those will come and go.
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 8:05:44 AM
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MWD
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You say he's a nice guy and you get along well with him. No offense, but... *yawn*. Why would you consider marrying the guy? I mean, ninety percent of the women I know are nice and I get along well with them.
1) What are this guy's positive attributes, 2) which ones draw you toward him and keep you there, and 3) how does that all compare to the attributes you've already decided your ideal husband will have?
Side note: never go into something permanent with the notion that you can fix something about the other person and then everything will be okay. Life has enough problems without knowingly and voluntarily signing up for additional stress. Watch out for the "rescue trap." It's like heroin to some people, and for different reasons depending on the person who's attracted by it.
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 8:24:23 AM
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hotrodkev
Posts: 15
Joined: 7/30/2008
From: Texas
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New here but felt like I needed to reply. A relationship and marriage shouldn't be this hard. I know that when I backslid I lost sight of all the GOOD women, and the bad ones started pulling me, I'm moving forward from a 10 yr hole, Finally out and making headway. Here's the thing I'm going to tell you, Remember that if your not EQUALLY YOKED, then everything will fall apart in time, you have that indecisions in your heart, and have those thoughts. Love shouldn't be that hard, and You should still be feeling like your on cloud 9 in reality. Sometimes I think that people show their TRUE colors once they feel comfy with you, and its a sad game people play and don't know it. Remember this, STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF, YOUR FAITH, AND GOD. And you will have nothing to worry about, be real about this sweetie, this doesnt sound like a man that you need to marry having these issues right now, and doesnt sound like there is a whole lot of spiritual or mental connection with y'all. So keep your head up, and just remember that there are still Godly Men out there who as I am; are looking for more, and want all the same things. I have faith that God will bring all of us the one were meant to be with, and will make those struggles go away and make a way especially when you put God in the relationship! If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here! Hope this helped!
Kev
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 9:35:52 AM
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Kerryannism
Posts: 78
Joined: 9/28/2007
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What they say is true ... when in doubt .... Trust that you are having these feelings for a reason. Take it slow, don't be in a hurry - listen and trust your heart.
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 10:04:36 AM
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jaimestarcross
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Not feeling peace in the relationship is a real clue that this
bf isn't right for you since he's not a mature Christian yet...
It's important for him to be mature spiritually if he's going to
be the leader in his home/family one day.
You can encourage and pray for him to be growing in the Lord.
I would be careful in allowing your relationship to go any further just yet -
back off from getting too involved (romantically) with an immature Christian.
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 4:49:22 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2285
Joined: 4/30/2006
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If you don't feel good about this - the fact that you feel unstable and unsure of what to do - that's probably because you really really need to think about this. How would it be, marrying him the way he is now? How would it be, raising kids? Are you going to wait for him to get his act together and then get married? Or.... there's a lot of questions.
I'm not pentacostal either. But I agree with stimulus.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 7/30/2008 7:35:46 PM
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sudden
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From: Toronto
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Five months is an extremely short period of time to be dating someone...you scarcely know each other little let alone whether or not this is someone who would be suitable marriage material give it time....
We all have varying levels of maturity. Have you considered that perhaps GOd will use you as an influence on this fellow?
Sudden
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I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 8/1/2008 8:11:59 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1083
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
Not feeling peace in the relationship is a real clue that this
bf isn't right for you since he's not a mature Christian yet...
It's important for him to be mature spiritually if he's going to
be the leader in his home/family one day.
You can encourage and pray for him to be growing in the Lord.
I would be careful in allowing your relationship to go any further just yet -
back off from getting too involved (romantically) with an immature Christian.
I agree with jamiecross...If you are uneasy and not content...God is speaking to you but you are so too busy listening to other people and yourself. You know exactly what you have to do and what is in your best interest...I don't want to use the word mature christian over you because we all grow in different stages...but you suspect he is in a backslidden state and that means he is not in fellowship with the Lord..The two of you cannot be on the same page...that explains the roller coaster ride that you are on
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RE: Why am I constantly in two-minds about this relatio... - 8/4/2008 1:50:58 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2710
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
I really do not want to end the relationship with this guy, I think I can be a good spiritual influence.
Hoping to be a good spiritual influence is a good motive for an adult/child relationship or as a mentor or even in a friendship. Hoping to be a good spiritual influence is not a good motive for a marital relationship.
quote:
Speaking as a pentecostal who most certainly believes in the reality of words of prophesy, I can tell you how you should make this decision. You should decide based on what the Bible teaches, plain and simple.
This is my advice as well. Go to the bible. There are plenty of scriptures that tell us the kind of person we should marry. Someone who you have to "influence" towards spiritual maturity isn't one of them.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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