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When do you let go - 6/18/2008 10:18:35 AM
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fe_19
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/18/2008
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I have been off and on with my boyfriend for 4 yrs now. He has an 8 month old child together. Last night we had the biggest blow up I have ever had in my life. He's always had a problem with sleepin around and how I always found out about it was lookin thru his email, his cellphone or something. Last night I saw numerous emails that he's been sleepin around for the last 4 months and he's been home with me too. It was so damaging to know that he sought the comfort of another woman when I have been failthful and true to this man even after all the other incidents with woman. We talked shortly after he left from gettin his belongings and he says he wants to change and he's sorry because he has a good woman in front of him and seems to always mess it up. I keep holding on to him and thinking "this time it's going to be diffrent" but I did that the LAST time. I don't know if I'm crazy for giving up on our love/relationship/ family or crazy for even continuing the relationship with him. When I read a few newsletter last I felt quilty for not being forgiving and moving past the transgressions. But today I feel stupid for keepin him in my life. How many times can a man disrespect me before I let him go I don't know. And my excuse is that I love him and I KNOW he's not like this. Am I losing my mind? Help!!!! Is there some scripture that can give me guidance? I don't know if God is showing me all of things to leave him or his showing me all of these things to help him 
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 10:26:17 AM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 10989
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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I'm going to be blunt.
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And my excuse is that I love him and I KNOW he's not like this. He IS like this.
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I don't know if I'm crazy for giving up on our love/relationship/ family or crazy for even continuing the relationship with him. You're crazy if you continue the relationship with him.
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I don't know if God is showing me all of things to leave him or his showing me all of these things to help him You cannot help him - only HE can decide to change, and you can't decide that for him.
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I keep holding on to him and thinking "this time it's going to be diffrent" but I did that the LAST time. It will NOT be different.
Proverbs 22:3
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
Proverbs 27:12
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
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Tricia
"There's a fine line between being open minded and being empty headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 10:33:05 AM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1104
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
Status: offline
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Honey, my first concern is that you said this is your boyfriend. He isn't your husband and you have an 8 month old baby together. (Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). It seems as though this man doesn't have a commitment to you or your child if he's continuing to sleep around.
Hard call whether to stay and help or walk away to get your life on track. If you stay, are you ready to marry this man? With his track history, this isn't something I can recommend...even if he is your child's father. Yes, people can change, but when a pattern of behavior has been going on this long....it's rather difficult. The only way he will change is to allow Christ in his life. Is he a Christian?
Probably it's going to be better to walk away...to flee the temptation of immorality (have relations outside of marriage is a sin, sweetie). I'm not saying it's easy...it's not...
My DH and I were discussing this last night. When does marriage begin between a man and a woman? Is it when they first become intimate? Or is it when the minister pronounces them husband and wife? It would SEEM possible that once a couple becomes intimate...they are joined. But....then your boyfriend is bringing other parties into the relationship. This is not to attack in any way, but have you been completely faithful to him all 4 years of your relationship?
The Bible tells us to carefully evaluate ourselves before we go looking/judging others...to the point where we are told NOT to judge.
Hard call, hun. I'll be praying for you. Sorry I didn't include references....just wanted to get this reply to you as quickly as possible.
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 10:56:36 AM
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fe_19
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline
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Because of the past, he has been prayin and listening to 105.1 with me. But because we both work the weekends it's hard to make it to church and or receive guidance. But I don't know how he can pray everyday for God to change is life around and is continuing to do this....he keeps saying God put you in my life for a reason yet he continues to do wrong. He has accpected that Christ if our Lord and Savior but he hasn't ALLOWED him into his life and it seems like I haven't either because I keep dealing with this.
I am in no right form or fashion saying that it's right to keep being intimate with him outside of marriage. We went to pick up our marriage license before our child was born and for whatever reason he said he wasn't ready yet and to give him time. I was ready to marry this man. I was ready to forgive (but not forget) the past because people sin/make mistakes. I have done so myself. To RE-build our relationship is way I endured the troubling times.
Often times I feel like I am married to him but how can someone treat you that way?
Last night was the first time I have ever seen him cry the way he did. He kept saying "what's wrong with me? I want to change so bad. I know this is not me and I can stop". I keep holding on to him believing that.
Until last night, I knew I was not ready to let go of him because I wanted to help him (and myself) rebuild our relationship with God TOGETHER. But right now I feel so lost, angry, upset.....vulnerable. I couldn't even get down and pray I was so lost.
I don't know HOW to ask for guidance or understand what God has in store for me. Am I ignoring his signs or am I following his path to help him?????
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 11:18:30 AM
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fluffmonkey
Posts: 1749
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
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If he hasn't gave God control of his life, how could accept him as his Saviour? Your boyfriend was crying because he knows he messed up but at the same time, He want change... until he lets God in control of his life...this circle of hurt will continue... We all want help but you can expect everything to get took care of, you have to help yourself some too... like getting away from the things that Hold your life back from God.
Maybe it would be best if you seperated and if he truely changes then maybe you can get married, but keep in mind changes are slow.
I know you want to help him because you love him and want to be with him, but let God help him and let God help you.
Its not going to be easy, and I will be praying for you.
Pray for God's wisdom to deal with the situation, ask him to be your Rock to get threw this situation. God will lead and direct you, if you allow Him to.
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Jennifer
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 11:28:54 AM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1104
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
Status: offline
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Good sound advice, Jennifer. That's what I was going to say....
You may need to get things right SEPARATELY and go from there. If he's the "right one" so to speak...time will tell and he'll wait for you...without getting involved with other women. If he's still choosing to be involved with other women, it's time to move on. Take a stand for YOURSELF, hun. You mentioned you want his respect...or something along that lines. If you really want that, please stop being intimate with him. Right now he is getting what he wants (gets to keep you and have relations....while fooling around).
Continued prayers and hugs...
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RE: When do you let go - 6/18/2008 12:49:43 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6070
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
Status: offline
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What would make you think this time would be different?
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