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We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 12:30:00 PM
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IsleGirl
Posts: 4
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Hi, I'm new to the forums and desperately trying to find the answers I need to hear. I've been married 16 years now, together for 20 and we have 3 kids under the age of 12. During the 4th year in marriage, I caught my husband having cybersex, neither of us were Christians at that time. Catching him really crushed me and I turned to God. I became a Christian 4 months later. 4 years later, I'm pregnant with my 3rd child and I found out I had an std (chlamydia). He denies ever giving it to me. I continued to stay in the marriage considering I was a stay at home mom with 2 young children, another on its way. I was a devout Christian and my husband was no longer a practicing Catholic but an Agnostic.
In 2004, I asked him for permission to his email account. I've never had access to his primary email account in the past and this particular day he allowed me access to it. I snooped around and found an email account he created and found emails to a woman he had an affair with.
I strongly felt Gods peace on me and that I needed to forgive him. I wanted to make my marriage work. Husband seemed very remorseful. He started attending church with me and even sat down with a Pastor and said the sinners prayer. For awhile, it seemed like we were going to make it. We never received any formal counseling. I was having a very hard time trusting him. He did all the things I wanted him to do in the past, call me during a break, account for his time, even communicating with me (which he never made the time for in the past) but I saw no fruit in his life.
A year and a half after his affair, things started to go down hill. His conversations and time spent with me were lacking. Things were going back to the way it use to be. I fell into a deep depression. I avoided my Christian friends, and even started to drop out of my BSF studies. I started to lose hope and faith.
In 2007, I returned home to attend funeral services for my Grandmother. My husband called me one morning except it wasn't him. He accidently hit his bluetooth and it dialed my cell. On the other end of my phone all I could hear was laughter of another woman. The call dropped and I immediately called my husbands cell. He denied he was with anyone else, and said that he was in the break room and other people in it.
My downfall. When I returned home from the funeral. I checked a bottle of "sex enhanced supplements" my husband has. Before I left I could've sworn there were some in the bottle, now it was empty AND he bought a new bottle.
So, I'm back at home. I don't trust my husband, I'm avoiding my friends, I dropped out of my Bible studies and I'm desperate for attention. I jumped onto chat sites and started to meet men within 3 months I got caught in an emotional affair. I realized I was not remorseful for what I've done. I no longer loved my husband and I filed for divorce.
I am no longer seeing that person I had an affair with that was 7 months ago. But I find myself so desperate for attention. My divorce is far from being final but I find myself longing to be with a man. I got involved yet with another man and this time it ended up in a physical affair. I know I am wrong both times. I'm now on a "break" with this other man. I have repented for this affair. I've cried during my church services and have told him that this is all wrong. I really like this man but I know we can't be together.
Anyhow, I'm sorry this is so lengthy but I just wanted to get all the facts out there before getting chastised. I really need guidance and prayer not just for myself but for my 3 children as well.
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 12:38:11 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6308
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
Status: offline
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((((IsleGirl)))) Hi and welcome to the boards! I have no advice, just hugs and prayers!
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 12:42:05 PM
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dianetavegia
Posts: 2010
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Southern Baptist, Non Calvinist, Pro Life Ga. girl
Status: offline
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There's a 'one stop thread' for discussing this issue so I'll just say I'm praying for you and your husband to return to the Lord, seek HIS will as put forth in scripture and for your marriage to be healed.
Diane
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 1:24:58 PM
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SusieQ567
Posts: 26
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: SouthEast
Status: offline
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Praying for you...get counseling for both of you ...now.
_____________________________
Susan
Jeremiah 29:11
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 3:55:15 PM
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IsleGirl
Posts: 4
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Thank you for your prayers! I've been seeking counseling for awhile now since November/December of last year. I've been through depression counseling and even marriage counseling. That only lasted 2 sessions. I wasn't interested in reconciling. My husband said some really disturbing things to me since he caught me and I realized that I couldn't stay married to him. For example, according to him my affair opened the doors to possible threesomes in the future. He wanted to get me breast implants. He wanted details of my affair and became aroused and even said I could call him by the name of the guy I had the emotional affair with.
I wish I could afford Christian counseling on a weekly basis so I've turned to this site and phone into my church for additional support. I really want to align my life back with God. I know He's calling me and I keep getting pulled towards temptation. It's been such a struggle for me.
Thank you again for your prayers.
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 10:38:29 PM
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NotMyHome
Posts: 16
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline
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So sorry for your heart break. I have been through some horrible stuff and all I can say is, the Lord is the only one who will heal your broken heart. Looking for love from a man at this point is putting the cart before the horse. You will never have a healthy relationship until you fix yourself. You have been through so much. Please turn your heart to the Lord, put him FIRSt and see how he makes a way for you. He loves you and He is all you need. I found out through tough times as much as I love my husband I don't NEED him. I NEED the Lord. No matter what else happens in my life, I can not live a day with out the Lord by my side. The Lord will give ou the joy you seek and he will put people in your life that will be good for you in every way.
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/15/2008 11:31:30 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 803
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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It's OK to run from temptation - don't hesitate, run right back to the Lord!
Commit yourself(& the children) to God and get back into faithfully attending church and interacting there - your children need a good home foundation and solid biblical teaching.
I'm sorry for all the hurt you've suffered.... and welcome to the forum!
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RE: We Cheated, I Filed. - 7/16/2008 8:30:24 AM
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dianetavegia
Posts: 2010
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Southern Baptist, Non Calvinist, Pro Life Ga. girl
Status: offline
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Ephesians 5:3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the Spirit* is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.
Praying for you both to seek help and repent, turn, from these horrible things.
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did - 7/16/2008 11:33:04 AM
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IsleGirl
Posts: 4
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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Thank you Diane for the Scripture, and everyone else for your words of encouragement and prayers. I'm truly seeking after God. I want so much to be that daughter of Christ I once was before my husbands affair. Now, I feel nothing but shame for the sin I committed against God. I've taken full responsibility for my sin and have asked for Gods forgiveness during this past Sunday services. I really want my life to be restored and aligned with Gods will for me.
Yes, I do admit I miss the other guy and the temptations to talk to him are great. I am running from the temptations and I don't have any intention of seeing him again. I suppose the fact that he is quite a distance from me helps, plenty. But overall, I am more fearful for the consequences I'm going to reap for the sins I committed against God and if I continue to see him.
I appreciate your prayers for my husband as well. I can't say I'm able to do the same because I still carry a lot of anger towards him. I guess a lot of that stems from the 4 year period prior to my affair.
I tried to restore our marriage but I couldn't do majority of the work for the both of us. I know I have to let the anger go but I just don't know how to. I know in my heart I would've never seek after another man IF my husband didn't have that physical affair with that other woman. I forgave him for everything else in the past he did and neglected to do in our marriage. I know I must own up to some responsibility IF I knew what they were. I have asked my husband numerous times alone and in counseling what he was missing in our marriage. He couldn't give me a reason. I believe up until his affair, I did my best to honor my husband in every possible way. I did it even though my husband was Agnostic at that time. I knew what my role as a Christian wife and mother was and I did my best despite of the spiritual warfare I had to endure.
I know I messed up big time but I also know the pain and desperation I felt. I remember praying to God to help me move past his affair and to help me forget the memories. The memories was so strong I felt like taking a hammer to my head so the memories would stop. I was severely depressed and couldn't function on a normal day. I had no desire to do anything. I hated my husband for putting me and the kids through this. I guess for me the final straw was when I told my husband he is losing me and he said to me "I know, I just don't know what to do".
I'm not trying to make any excuses or justify what I've done because the bottom line I sinned. I guess I just feel like I have to remind myself that I DID try before I acted out selfishly and went out to sin.
I am doing the best I can to make amends for what I've done. I can only wait upon the Lord and see what He wants for me. Thank you again for your continued prayers and for allowing me to use this place to sound off. I wish I came here sooner, the support is overwhelming and comforting. God bless you all!
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RE: did - 7/17/2008 12:12:46 AM
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carl54
Posts: 57
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline
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God bless you...It sounds like you have really repented of your sin and you need to believe in your heart that God hears a sinner's prayer of repentance and promises to forgive. Sometimes it is difficult for us to accept that it is that simple, but it is. To repent means to be regretful of our sins, which is demonstrated by a determination to turn our back to the sin(s) and turn to God and follow him. The latter needs to be your focus - Following God. You now need to win the battle of the mind:
(1) Rom 12:1,2 - practice holy living and renew your mind through the power of the Word of God
(2) 2 Cor 10:4,5 - put on the armour of God to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of God
It takes work and determination. Your husband needs to do the same for himself. You do not need to be with him in his present spiritual state of mind and you should not if he continues to indulge in sexual sins. You are working on finding your peace with God and that should be your priority. May God strengthen you to find your way back to him and grant you peace of mind.
_____________________________
Walk in the Sirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Gal 5:16
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I'll pray that both of you get back to God.
