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Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/10/2008 10:46:12 AM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 165
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Toss A Topic is a fun writing exercise for all the writers here-if you have time to participate, it'll be fun! I promise that you’ll pick up a little something-such as weekly writing practice, meeting a deadline (the topic cutoff), writing within a word count and writing on topic. Great skills for any writer!
Once a week, a topic will be posted. Write between 100 – 500 words about whatever it brings to mind. Think about what happened to you this week, or dig into your cache of memories.
Entries that are too short/too long will not be reviewed! 
Only ONE entry per writer. Previous winners can still participate.
You may write a short fictional piece, a memoir, a poem, or a song as long as it relates to the current topic.
At the end of the time, the topic will be closed. Readers and writers alike can vote for the one they liked best. Votes will be sent to me, via PM and at the end of the voting period, I'll announce the winner.
Entries may not be the 'best'; in grammar, spelling, or formatting, etc. … but the thought that appeals to you, something that makes you laugh, or touches your heart, that's a keeper! 
The winner of the challenge has the privilege of “tossing” the next topic.
They may choose a noun, a verb, or an adjective. (e.g. – music, driving, laundry, etc.)
If the winner doesn't choose a topic within two days, I will choose one to keep this going. 
PLEASE READ:
Be sure to check the topic clarification before beginning your piece, so you know whether you are on topic.
Know the deadline. (June 17th)
Don’t forget to assign a title to your piece.
Do NOT edit your piece after posting-this is unfair to the other participants. Unless there is something (e.g. missing title) or you wish to add an Author’s note, (word limit for author’s note is 100 words-but may be counted as part of a whole if your entry is under the word count). Think of it as a contest where your entry was submitted and cannot be changed. 
Deadline: June 17th
Topic
DUALITY
Topic ends on Tuesday, June 17th.
Clarification: Stories should include more than one character(Not one character with split personalities), themes, situations, or events that clearly parallel each other in some way.
For now, I shall read every qualifying entry and leave a bit of feedback on them. My reviews follow in the format of MY NOTES: , RED INK:, and MY IMPRESSION: . Notes correspond to formatting or title issues, Red Ink covers basic editing(may cover grammar, punctuation)-without altering the entry content!-and My Impression is simply what I thought of your entry, overall.
Thanks for your participation-happy writing!
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/12/2008 2:19:33 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
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Switched
Prince Henry sat listening to his tutor drag on and on about the ethics behind the art of war. He was board. He hated his teacher, he hated school, and most of all he hated the pomp and circumstances of his life. That was why tonight he decided he must implement his plan to escape his life tonight.
“Bullocks!” swore Harry as he splashed sewer water all over himself. He was checking his traps carefully for the large rats that roomed the sewer tunnels. It was a job that was not for the faint of heart, or the faint of nose. Lots of street kids hunted the sewers for rats to sell to the ripper, but very few were willing to brave this tunnel. Here is it was darker then most tunnels.
By sun set Harry crawled out of the sewers with three cages containing 5 large rats.
Finely Henry thought as the servant shut the door on his way out of Henry’s room. Henry flung the covers aside and carefully walked to the statue that stood near the full length mirror and pushed the lever hidden in the folds of the statures clothing. The slide aside and reviled the tunnels which Henry had found several days ago. He closed the door behind him and went out into the city.
Harry walked with his friends down the road talking about this and that as they enjoyed their beer. After walking down several streets Henry said, “Good night gents.” Harry waved to his friends as walked a crooked path down the street. Someone bumped in to him, “Watch where you’re going.” But then he saw the person, “hey,” his words were slurred from drinking too much, “what are you doing with my face?”
Prince Henry found himself looking at a mirror, but before he could say any thing an alarm went off from the castle, they had figured out that the prince was missing. Henry shoved the drunken Harry and ran. Harry didn’t get up and one of the solders found him. Thinking he was the prince the solders took Harry back to the castle.
Henry found out about the switch the next day, it amused him that he was so lucky. Now he could live his life how he wanted and no one would be the wiser.
Harry was greatly confused and thought he had gone mad, afraid for his life he tried to tell everyone that he wasn’t the prince. There were people in the castle that creolized that Harry couldn’t be the prince but instead of exposing the charade they made excuses for the behavior of the prince and eventually Harry became convinced that his former life had been a dream of some kinds. He went on to become one of the greatest kings who ever ruled.
As for Henry? He fell in with thieves and was killed two months after his grand escape. His body was left in a ditch on the side of the road.
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/13/2008 4:18:17 PM
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Locke
Posts: 289
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: online
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"Antipode Avenue"
By Michael N Lovdal
She awoke early that morning. The tantalizing scent of freshly brewed coffee greeted her as she made her way into the kitchen. Her husband gave her a hug and a kiss, leaving her loved all over. He shut the door with playful bliss and backed out of their Sunny Street driveway. She took a few deep sips of her coffee before sticking it in the microwave for when she came home later. With their grocery list in hand, she went out to meet the day.
He nearly fell asleep again, but the drums beating inside his head were merciless. The stench of marijuana and urine assaulted his nostrils, but he didn't really notice. He nearly tripped over a girl's limp body on the floor as he made his way to the door. Had she been here all night? He couldn't remember. He took one last swig of an empty beer bottle and dropped it into the kitchen sink. He wasn't sure quite where he was going, but he knew that he wanted to get out. Leaving the front door wide open and all of the lights on, he stumbled out to get some air.
With the windows down and the radio playing, she made a casual turn and stopped at a light. She waited patiently until it turned green and then slowly brought her car up to speed. Her cell phone rang from her purse, so she pulled over to see who it was.
Without much notice of his surroundings, he sped down the street and screeched around the corner. He absently ran a red light and honked angrily at a slow-moving vehicle ahead of him, which he promptly passed in the oncoming traffic lane.
Her hazard lights blinked steadily. She glanced up briefly to check for traffic ahead of her and picked up her husband's welcome call. He was just calling to remind her of how much he loved her.
His headlight smashed as he veered too far to the left on the pass.
Her car shook violently from the impact and was forced into the ditch.
His car jerked out of control and plummeted into the far ditch.
She told her husband that she was safe before calling 911.
He said nothing.
© 2008 Mike Lovdal.
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/14/2008 11:01:17 PM
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_CANCELLED_
Posts: 165
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline
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This looks fun. I'll read the entries and maybe join you in the next one.
_____________________________
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved, and they house--Acts 16:31
Looking to buy1991 Won by One (out of) print by Argus Communications (see avatar) Leave PM here
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/17/2008 1:34:27 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 165
Status: offline
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REVIEW FOR RIKKU : ENTRY "SWITCHED"
Thanks for your entry to the Toss A Topic Writing Challenge-DUALITY!
I’m behind this week, busy with birthdays and whatnot, but I’m catching up, so you’ll find your review below in the appropriate sections.
MY NOTES: Don’t forget to add your copyright-it helps to protect your work! The review should follow in the exact order of sentences as I read it.
You'll find your review below in RED INK:
and MY IMPRESSION: . Please take my words with a grain of salt, it’s simply my opinion. Use what you can and chuck the rest!
RED INK: (this red ink may cover minor grammar/punctuation.)
1st Paragraph: Good opening line. “board” Typo-Bored.
“circumstances” Should be singular, ‘circumstance.
“That was why tonight he decided he must implement his plan to escape his life tonight.” A tad wordy, you’ve used “he” and “his” twice each, in the same line. Try to cut back, e.g. “…he decided to implement the plan to escape his life...”
2nd paragraph: “Harry as he splashed sewer” Comma after Harry.
“It was a job that was not for the faint of heart, or the faint of nose.” Awkward line. A good thought, maybe a reversal of this line would work better? E.g. “It was not a job for the faint of heart nor faint of nose”
“Here is it was darker then most tunnels” Comma after “here” and change “is” to “was” to keep this line in past tense.
“By sun set Harry” Comma after sunset. Sunset can be one word if you’re watching word count, it is generally thought of as one word.
3rd Paragraph: “Finely” Typo-finally, add a period afterwards to separate from the following words that are not part of the thought. Technically, I prefer to see thoughts in italics, because I know for sure that it’s a thought, but it’s not really a ‘rule’.
“Henry thought as the servant shut the door on his way out of Henry’s room.” Comma after “thought”.
“Henry flung the covers aside and carefully walked to the statue that stood near the full length mirror and pushed the lever hidden in the folds of the statures clothing.” Too long sentence. Slice it in half from “Full length mirror” and begin with him pushing the hidden lever.
“reviled the” Typo-revealed. Nice touch with the tunnel.
4th paragraph: “Harry waved to his friends as walked a crooked path down the street.” Is the word ‘they’ missing from this line?
“hey,” This seems more like an explanation and should be capitalized. “Hey!”
“his words were slurred from drinking too much,” Capital “H” for ‘his’ and period after “much”
“any thing” Anything is one word. Comma afterwards, to separate the next thoughts.
“Thinking he was the prince the solders took Harry back to the castle.” Comma after ‘prince’.
6th Paragraph: “mad, afraid for his” Slice sentence. End at “mad” and begin with “Afraid for”
“creolized” Typo? “Realized?”
“the charade they made excuses for” Comma after “Charade”
“and eventually Harry became convinced” End first sentence before ‘and’ and begin next one with “eventually.”
MY IMPRESSION: I laughed at the end-it was so matter of fact. I had a feeling that there would be a twist somewhere to make use of the topic, but I wasn’t quite expecting the body in the ditch. That was really good! I could see this told as a matter-of-fact story from a smart-aleck kid to a younger sibling. It just fits the tone and atmosphere perfectly. Well done! ^_^
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/17/2008 3:27:22 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 165
Status: offline
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REVIEW FOR LOCKE : ENTRY "ANTIPODE AVENUE"
Thanks for your entry to the Toss A Topic Writing Challenge-DUALITY!
I’m behind this week, busy with birthdays and whatnot, but I’m catching up, so you’ll find your review below in the appropriate sections.
MY NOTES: Nice copyright! ^_^ The review should follow in the exact order of sentences as I read it.
You'll find your review below in RED INK:
and MY IMPRESSION: . Please take my words with a grain of salt, it’s simply my opinion. Use what you can and chuck the rest!
RED INK: (this red ink may cover minor grammar/punctuation.)
1st Paragraph: “hug and a kiss, leaving her loved all over.” This reads fine as is, but it leaves me feeling that the word ‘feeling’ is left out.
2nd paragraph: “Had she been here all night?” Technically, I prefer to see thoughts in italics, because I know for sure that it’s a thought, but it’s not really a ‘rule’.
“He took one last swig of an empty beer bottle” I might be nitpicky here, but how can you take a swig from something that’s already empty?
6th Paragraph: “His headlight smashed as he veered too far to the left on the pass.” A tad confused, I’m pretty sure that it’s her, that he crashed into, but the she’s/he’s were a little annoying to keep deciphering after awhile who’s who. If you want, assigning names helps.
MY IMPRESSION: Pretty good. I could see this happening as a short film (commercial type) where you see it happening in these flashbacks. It had touches of real life with the added thought that things really do happen like this every day. It made me think-nice job! ^_^
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/20/2008 1:34:35 PM
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_CANCELLED_
Posts: 165
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
Entries may not be the 'best'; in grammar, spelling, or formatting, etc. … but the thought that appeals to you, something that makes you laugh, or touches your heart, that's a keeper!
I love the idea of Toss a Topic but if these are to be exercises, the above rule doesn't do much for encouraging us to work harder to perfect such common errors in writing, does it? I like exercises that do that as well as challenge your imagination, creativity and originality. But I'll give it a try.
< Message edited by Won_by_One -- 6/20/2008 1:40:55 PM >
_____________________________
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved, and they house--Acts 16:31
Looking to buy1991 Won by One (out of) print by Argus Communications (see avatar) Leave PM here
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/20/2008 3:01:40 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
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the reason is that "best" is a relitive term, you may really injoy one of the enteries that had several mistakes, and be bord by one that had little or none. this way no one is boxed in by which entery they desided should win in thier opinioun.
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #10 - 6/20/2008 3:19:48 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
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i think it is tecnicly both, but i like scarlet's red marks, they actually help me more then anything because i would never cetch the things she has pointed out.
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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