RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/18/2008 7:47:32 PM
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BrowneyedAL
Posts: 558
Joined: 2/26/2008
From: North Alabama
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Welcome to our little group frazzeledmom
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Lisa
I have learned in whatever state I am to be content (Philippians 4:11)
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/19/2008 3:20:42 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
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You got it, Lily. 
I haven't posted here lately because I wasn't sure what to post; however, I felt like I needed to post today. DH & I have decided to make a cross-county move this summer. We'll be moving back to Kansas (my home state). Well, DH keeps mentioning that he KNOWS this is where God wants us. I couldn't agree more. But then DH says....but there is no PCOG church there. So he's kind of at a loss. I know there are churches there from my "denomination". DH seems to be afraid of being rejected there & I can't blame him.
You see....DH and I are both on second marriages. We were married to "believers".....my former spouse was unfaithful & abusive....his former spouse was unfaithful & divorced him. (Both of us tried to work things out in our former marriages, but the other spouses were unwilling). So...we get to where we are now. Many churches do not accept remarriage after divorce (there is a whole thread about that on another board here so we'll save that discussion for there).
There is a small chance that we'll stay here in California, but things are looking more positive towards Kansas as I have been contacted by a potential employer. DH said as long as I had a teaching position, we would move. I know the move is where God wants us--it will give BOTH of us a fresh start (we won't be going to a city either of us has lived or a church where either of us has attended). It will give us the chance to grow together more as a family. After all, we both desire to serve God wholeheartedly...we just have different ways to serve/worship.
Please just pray that God would pave the way in this area. I know He's already working on things. Just not sure where it's going to end up. DH & I still have doctrinal differences; however, we are accepting of the other's beliefs/opinions. We would like to find a church that will accept us ALL unconditionally. This is really hard to do nowadays.
We've both had some issues with the church here, but DH has felt the need to stay (at least for now) for various reasons. Those reasons have now been resolved, so we're ready to move on...to step out in faith to whatever God has for us. We're a family (my DH, myself, and my son--almost 5---who yes, we both claim as ours....his Bio Dad [my ex] doesn't have anything to do with him).
My DH will be leaving for some work training shortly. He'll be gone for 4 weeks. Please keep our family in your prayers. I will be praying for yours!!!
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/20/2008 4:11:25 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MamaMilty
I've got a ? for you all: Have you ever or do you now have the Lord's Supper available at each service to be taken on your own?
I've never attended a church like this. The most frequently I have had a church offer communion is once a month. Most have offered it every other month or even less frequently. I think it just depends on what works best for YOU and your church.
Personally for me, if I took communion too frequently, it would lose some of the "holiness". Not sure if that makes sense. I just don't want my relationship with God to become common place....that I don't actually think about the sacrifice made (which is what I associate most with communion).
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/21/2008 6:20:26 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4018
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From: Australia
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Hi, I too have been missing a bit too, teething baby and what not.
Jen-what did you mean by "on your own". We have communion every sunday unless there is something "big" happening and we will be short of time.
Hubby didn't go to church this sunday morning but went on a bike ride. He had an accident where he could of nearly died but didnt of course, and later that night he said "I am going to church, one of us should go". So that was good (i didn't go in the morning, its school holidays here which means no children's church and its hard with 2 kids). He also has a drag club meeting on the same night as the church board meeting and I was worried he would choose the drags but he said "church one is more important"
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/22/2008 1:21:18 AM
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LongingForGrace
Posts: 9
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From: Prospect Park, PA
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Hi everyone. I am engaged to be married within about a year to a man that I believe will eventually be on the same page as me. This is not saying that I have it "all together", but, I know that my passion and heart is for the Lord. When my fiance and I met, he was all passion and fire and light. I was so thrilled to have met a man so on fire for the Lord has I had just been saved, and was enamored by him. I was hesitant to accept his proposal when he asked just 5 months into our relationship, but now, 4 years later, we are still together and doing well.
His grandfather (who was also his best friend) went home to be with the Lord in January and now his grandmother is passing too right before his eyes (she is saved too, thank God). I have also been very ill with unpredictable fainting spells, and his mother is a home bound diabetic. He is basically caring for everyone he loves all at once and is very angry at God. I love God with all that I am and serve Him and praise him through every storm - and he doesn't get how I can do it. He curses alot, never did before, misdirects his anger at me with all he is going through, and his passion for God and life for that matter is all but gone. Thankfully we are surrounded by a wonderful group of Christian friends who are seeing me through this and encouraging me to just wait and pray and be supportive for "this too will pass."
So while I don't think we will ever have the same convictions or passions ever again, I pray that at least his faith will be restored. But I agree that I get jealous some times when I hear of other women's husbands who do devotionals with them, pray before making big decisions, go to Bible studies, pray with their wives, etc...but I know that God will work only good through all things - no matter the outcome.
_____________________________
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul and all your strength.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/22/2008 12:29:18 PM
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MamaMilty
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nicole6598
Jen-what did you mean by "on your own". We have communion every sunday unless there is something "big" happening and we will be short of time.
They have several stations set up on each side of the sanctuary and the pastor invites all believers to partake after preparing his/her heart to do so...and everyone goes as ready. It's not lead or observed corporately. I didn't even take it last week because I just don't really get it. I, too, am accustomed to have the Lord's Supper on the 1st Sunday of the month and we did it as a church body. It was a time of special worship and thanksgiving. A time to truly reflect on what Jesus did for us. I decided on the way that morning that I wouldn't just follow the crowd and only get up if the Spirit lead me to, I ended up sitting right where Iwas in prayer.
LongingforGrace, hello and welcome! I am praying for you and your fiance and you whole family. I used to faint when I was younger...the best guess we got as a diagnosis was a form of clausterphobia.
_____________________________
Jen
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/22/2008 3:01:01 PM
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KatMack
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From: Along the Canopy Roads
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Longingforgrace,
I will be praying for both you and your fiance. What I have to say next may not make me popular, but I must say it. DO NOT get married until you are back on the same page spiritually. We are commanded to not be unequally yoked. Your future husband is also commanded to love you as Christ loved the church and to serve as the spiritual head of his household. Right now he doesn't sound able to do either. I speak from experience when I tell you that the command to not be unequally yoked is not there to punish us or to keep us from being with the people we love, it is there to protect us from heartache! I don't wish the hurt that I (and the other ladies here) live with everyday on anyone! Pray, pray, pray! We will all join you!
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/22/2008 11:51:24 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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I agree with Kat. Do NOT marry an unbeliever!! I'm not sure if that's exactly what you are saying....as you've said he used to be fervent for God. Just be careful...proceed with caution. See if this is just STRESS getting the better of him or if he really has lost faith.
Have you set a wedding date, LongingForGrace?
Praying for you!!!
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/23/2008 7:57:20 PM
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BrowneyedAL
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From: North Alabama
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LongingForGrace...Praying for you and your sweetie...it sounds like he's had a lot of stresses lately, I'm so glad that you have been able to be a model for him of Praising God though everything...keep that up. ((((HUGS)))) to you!
_____________________________
Lisa
I have learned in whatever state I am to be content (Philippians 4:11)
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 10:42:12 AM
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frazzledmom
Posts: 215
Joined: 7/4/2007
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Hey ladies
I need your prayers and a listening ear or two today. My oldest is a "tween" almost twelve, going on 18. We had a knock-down drag out arguement yesterday. Midst it all it ocurred to me that we are not teaching our children to humble themselves and pray conversationally to God. When I mentioned this to my husband he felt totally incapable of teaching this since he wasn't so good at it himself, yet bedtime prayers are traditionally his special domain. This morning I awoke from a terrible dream about my husband having another woman in his life. The reality is we are still dealing with recovery from porn addiction and I have had terrible nightmares in the past that eventually connect to when he backslides. My nightmare led to an intense, frank discussion of where he's at with his recovery. I always hate these discussions-I assume the best and end up getting terribly hurt and disappointed. He needs to move forward and he isn't. I feel like I'm fighting all the battles in my house alone because he's a prisoner of war. We've tried to shield our boys from the affects of it all, but if my husband can't teach them to pray, can't approach God together with them.......it affects them too.
I am so weary of this battle I feel like i fight alone. I didn't sign up for this. Long story-maybe another time.
Please pray for us today. Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year as we celebrate my oldest son's achievements in Cub Scouts and his crossing-over to Boy Scouts.
Thanks,
Frazzledmom
_____________________________
I hear, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, I understand.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 11:14:01 AM
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BrowneyedAL
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From: North Alabama
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I will definitely keep you in my prayers today.
_____________________________
Lisa
I have learned in whatever state I am to be content (Philippians 4:11)
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 11:29:44 AM
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LongingForGrace
Posts: 9
Joined: 1/31/2008
From: Prospect Park, PA
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Hi Ladies -
Thanks for the prayers and advice. No we havent set an official date because we havent put down the deposit on the reception place, but it will be July 3rd or 4th of 2009 - over a year away. He knows he has things to work on, and he is going through a lot right now. He is currently up all night holding his grandma's hand as she slowly dies and then goes to work praying he wont miss the moment when she passes away. He was able to be right next to his grandpa - his best friend - when he passed - so I know he is hoping for the same this time. I just pray that he mourns properly and sees the love around him and all that. We have a great circle of support around us in our church (only about 50ppl in our church) who are rallying around us the best they can.
But yes, I agree, and he knows that I will not marry him (even if it means losing my deposit) until I know in my heart of hearts that he is back rock solid as the future spiritual head of our family.
_____________________________
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul and all your strength.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 11:34:09 AM
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KatMack
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From: Along the Canopy Roads
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Praying fervently for you longingforgrace and frazzledmom!!!
--Kat
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<-- My sweet blessings.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 3:42:23 PM
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lilyofthefield
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Frazzledmom - just remember - "the battle belongs to the Lord". Keep going to your Father in prayer to be refreshed and renewed, but also to find out what (if anything) you are to do in your situation.
I have often found that the more I try to "fix" things myself, the worse they get. Sometimes we just need to "be still and know" that He is God. He is in control. The more I trust Him and find joy in knowing He is working in all these things, the better everything goes.
_____________________________
Caden is here!
A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 4:31:57 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
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Frazzledmom---praying for y'all!!! The struggle with pornography is such a long hard battle. (((hugs)))
LongingForGrace----I'm happy to hear that your future DH knows that you will not go through with the marriage if there is a spiritual mismatch. Yes, that's a hard thing to do....because you love him. Of late, I've been reading a series by Angela Elwell Hunt which fictionalizes the Biblical account of Joseph (more or less). Anyway--one of the basic points has been a recollection of Jacob's forced marriage to Leah. He wanted to marry Rachel & their father duped him. It caused a life of "problems" for Jacob & his family....mind you...some of this was of his own doing because of his pride & showing favoritism to Rachel. Point being...don't go to the point of no return if there is a way out. Trust me, if this man is the one God has for you, he will come around. I thought I could do everything on my own & wasn't living right for Christ--met a man--married him after he professed Christ--divorced after 18 mos. (give or take) because of spousal abuse/infidelity (there's a whole thread about divorce/remarriage...so please let's not discuss this here). Anyway, I'm now remarried to a great man. I definitely wish I had changed some things, but I didn't...I've just had to learn from my mistakes.
Sorry for the long post....
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/24/2008 8:23:37 PM
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frazzledmom
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I may as well cap my day with some "stinkin' thinkin'". Have you ladies ever felt limited in your availability to serve God because of the mismatch? For example, if you wanted to go on a mission work project somewhere, how would your spouse feel? Sometimes I feel like God will never use me. What I'm learning......slowly....is that though my dreams have been smashed with the whole pornography thing, maybe, hopefully, God will use us together someday to help others. I can't say it's the ministry I wanted. I feel it's being shoved on me. But I know there's a need.
Is there a limit to how much whining I can do in one day?
Keep the prayers comin'. Big family events always trigger feelings of loss and loneliness in both my husband and i for Dads who have passed on.
Sorry I'm feeling grinchy, but thanks for listening. Time to feed the kids and put on my make-up and a smile.
Frazzledmom
_____________________________
I hear, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, I understand.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/25/2008 10:43:45 AM
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frazzledmom
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More on the availability......there's some truth to it for the moment. I talked with my husband last night and he most certainly does not have the same level of concern or passion as I look at world events / gas prices/ food shortages.....etc. I just keep thinking....WOW....anytime.....I need to be telling people about Jesus and be about building the Kingdom of God. My husband feels his job is to get free from his addiction issues and be a good Dad. I suppose in today's world, that's admirable. But he doesn't care about evangelism-it's not a passion. So.....we won't be missionaries together. But he said he would support me if God is calling me to something like that.
Frazzledmom
_____________________________
I hear, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, I understand.
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/25/2008 11:01:13 AM
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lilyofthefield
Posts: 1302
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From: NC, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: frazzledmom
Have you ladies ever felt limited in your availability to serve God because of the mismatch? For example, if you wanted to go on a mission work project somewhere, how would your spouse feel? Sometimes I feel like God will never use me.
Absolutely. For me, it has been more an issue of giving. DH does not want me to give away "his" money, yet I struggled for a long time with feeling that I want to (and am supposed to) give. Even when I was working he told me that I didn't have the right to give away "our" money if he wasn't on board with that. Now that I am not working outside of the home he says it is "his" money. God did show me there are other ways to give (mainly of my time) and has given me peace, but it was a horrible feeling.
_____________________________
Caden is here!
A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/25/2008 11:16:05 AM
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SweetLittleErin
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I too have issues on the giving thing. But since I work, I give part of the money I earn. I dont expect hubby to give what he earns because he doesnt understand. I told hubbby one day that I felt led to give $Xamount, he just said okay.
I also feel limited in serving. I'd like to be a Sunday School teacher, but I know that hubby would be uncomfortable sitting in Sunday School Class on his own, and if I were not in class with him, he would not attend. It really bothered me for a while, but I felt like I was doing my "duty" by supporting my husband and staying in class so that he would attend with me. His salvation is very important to me. The leadership in the church understands the situation and are thankfully accepting and helpful. When hubby IS in class they dont put him on the spot or anything to make him feel uncomfortable to the point that he would cease coming. I know uncomfortableness is a good thing, but if they asked him to read scripture or asked him to answer a question he would probably stop coming.
_____________________________
~Erin~
Mommy to Isaac, born 7/29, 12 weeks early,
Mommy's Little Miracle Man
A Glimpse Of Pink (My Blog)
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/25/2008 12:03:11 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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Yay to your DH for coming to SS, Erin. That's always positive.
With my DH--he's the CE director...so it was expected that I would become a SS teacher. I somewhat miss going to SS....but I love teaching the little ones!
Just keep on praying, ladies. I know that's hard to do sometimes....but you can do it. With God all things are possible!!!
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RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread - 4/25/2008 12:14:41 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2742
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lilyofthefield
quote:
ORIGINAL: frazzledmom
Have you ladies ever felt limited in your availability to serve God because of the mismatch? For example, if you wanted to go on a mission work project somewhere, how would your spouse feel? Sometimes I feel like God will never use me.
Absolutely. For me, it has been more an issue of giving. DH does not want me to give away "his" money, yet I struggled for a long time with feeling that I want to (and am supposed to) give. Even when I was working he told me that I didn't have the right to give away "our" money if he wasn't on board with that. Now that I am not working outside of the home he says it is "his" money. God did show me there are other ways to give (mainly of my time) and has given me peace, but it was a horrible feeling.
My hubby feels the same way about HIS money. Do you get an allowance or anything? I get an allowance, so I tithe that. It is VERY little money, but that's all I've got to work with.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
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They didn't even have it on Easter. I love my church and the people, but I do miss the Lord's Supper (that's my only complaint). 
If so....no one taught me that limit, LOL. 
