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Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 9:43:40 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1785
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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I've just realized that my mother is the "root" of some family issues and I don't know if I should bring my "insights" up to her. We're both believers and I've done the whole forgiveness thing, but I just don't like being around her because of this.
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Deb
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 11:43:15 AM
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crh737
Posts: 661
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Stampinlady~
If she is a believer as well, I believe you should. It won't be easy, because you should do it without malice.
Jesus rebuked Peter on truth and we as belivers should "correct" one another. This will give her a chance to take it to the Lord and repent or pray about it, if she believes she has not caused strife.
Pray about it for a while and keep the boundaries until you decide you need to have conversation with her. Do not allow it to get heated as words can give life or bring death. No plank pushing and don't allow it either.
I do not have a close relationship with my mother, so a conversation with my mom is almost impossible and would be in vain.
How I would have loved to been able to talk about issues,
May the Lord bless you
CRH
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 11:57:54 AM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4684
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I agree. Read through Matthew 5,6, & 7 and 18 for Christ's words for the full balance on how to lovingly confront a problem. I know it's a lot of context for dealing with the (approx) 10 verses that appy to your situation, but there's lots of side info about loving and forgiving others that needs to be in place for you to speak in a way that your mother will hear it.
Also, don't forget that you are not responsible for convicting her. Speak God's message and let it go. Give her time to repent and don't demand an immediate apology (or other action.) You may need to instate boundries to protect loved ones... but give the Holy Spirit time to work on her before expecting to see fruit in keeping with repentance.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 2:26:07 PM
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3tulips
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From: sandy shore
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Stampinlady, I just want to say I have been in that same boat. My siblings and I didn't so much have to confront mom as we had to start callling her out on things. "Yes mom it is ok if granddaughter gets her ears pierced." "No, mom, you are wrong. That is not the way it happened." I hope you can get through this.
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I opened up the mouth of love and found the wisdom tooth. Larry Norman 1947 - 2008
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 5:13:34 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1785
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
start callling her out on things
There lies my problem. This is a prayer issue latley and I know God will show me what to do. I normally blow stuff off, but when she "acts up" it brings everything forward. I know I should relay my problems with her to her, but ...... .
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Deb
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 5:31:37 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4684
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I would wait for a time when things weren't heated to bring them up in a calm and rational manner.
With my mother I never have to do this because she is very concerned about being the best she can be and not causing any bad consequences to come to others from her actions. My father, however, is a different story. He does stuff that "brings everything forward" consistantly. I started with bringing up the problems like I just recommended to you (calmly when they aren't happening) and he lies that there are not problems. I have now moved to pointing out the problems as they happen so we both know that his denial is a front to make him appear good. I don't think it's fair to start out like that, though, and assume she will manipulate.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/21/2008 8:41:07 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1785
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
she is very concerned about being the best she can be and not causing any bad consequences to come to others from her actions.
This is exactly how my mother is. I really don't think she thinks her actions have any consequences. Sometimes I think I should go to counseling and explain my thoughts to them just so that I can know if I'm thinking correctly. I know that we can have incorrect thought and see things differently than how they are. I don't want that to happen. Thanks for the prayers and comments.
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Deb
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 5/22/2008 12:57:51 PM
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admill0
Posts: 9
Joined: 2/21/2007
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Tread carefully...deep family confrontation...ouch. Figuratively speaking tip toe around her while clutching on to God's word while praying until you get a green light (confidence) in the Spirit not just your feelings. Keep yourself in check under the Holy Spirit at all times while speaking to her and only say what the Spirit promps you to or approves of and NOTHING else. NOT one syllable more!
If you start to loose your cool talk about the weather.
Warning it may take years to get to the root with your mom because deep problems that develope over time take time to heal/fix. Patience.
< Message edited by admill0 -- 5/23/2008 2:29:02 AM >
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 6/13/2008 6:37:03 AM
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imit8him
Posts: 340
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crh737
Stampinlady~
If she is a believer as well, I believe you should. It won't be easy, because you should do it without malice.
Jesus rebuked Peter on truth and we as belivers should "correct" one another. This will give her a chance to take it to the Lord and repent or pray about it, if she believes she has not caused strife.
Pray about it for a while and keep the boundaries until you decide you need to have conversation with her. Do not allow it to get heated as words can give life or bring death. No plank pushing and don't allow it either.
I do not have a close relationship with my mother, so a conversation with my mom is almost impossible and would be in vain.
How I would have loved to been able to talk about issues,
May the Lord bless you
CRH
Hi Stamp, 
I second crh's opinion above. Whenever we have problems with someone (Christian or non-Christian), we ought to work them out as best we can. (Sometimes we may not be able to resolve the issue, but we ought to at least try....unless the person is dangerous or somehow inaccessible to you, we ought to do whatever possible to confront them with the problem with love and truth to work it out as best as possible.) ...In your case, I think you actually have an advantage because both you and your mother are Christians. This gives you a common basis to resolve disputes. You have a common moral barometer for judging things. If there is a specific problem, you can apply Biblical principles in resolving them. And if one side is not in agreement with the Bible, you can then confront each other in love and truth with the Word. I agree with crh that we are to correct one another when a fellow Believer is in some kind of sin - be it an action or sin of the mind/thoughts.
If you feel that your mother has caused certain problems for your family (and I'm sure this is actually very common amongst all people...we all have had family disputes at one time or another...I know I have!), then it is a good idea to bring them up to her and let her know that something is wrong and possibly you or others may be hurt by it.
I'm not sure if you'd like to mention more specifics in your case, but I just wanted to mention that I've had countless problems iwth family members and that sometimes it helps to have a neutral and trusted person come along to help mediate things. It's not always best, but in my case it really helped. I do hope and pray you will receive God's wisdom on going about your situation. Feel free to post more details if you wanted to discuss things more.
-Imit 
< Message edited by imit8him -- 6/13/2008 6:44:30 AM >
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 6/13/2008 10:35:06 AM
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savedbylove112
Posts: 130
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Deep In The Heart of Jersey
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Hey there stampinlady--
I wish I had something constructive to offer like the other posters, but I will be keeping your situation in prayer, as we seem to have a lot in common when it comes to talking to Moms!  But in my case, as the youngest child who lives back home with Mom, even though I may have some spiritual insights (and that only because I try to keep in the Word and in prayer regularly, and I know she doesn't) that I feel she may benefit from, I know for a fact she won't listen to me BECAUSE I'm her child. So I keep praying for her, and when she hears the same exact thing from our pastor, it's like a new revelation, like she's never heard it before--even if I've tried telling her a dozen times! 
I pray your Mom will be more open to correction than mine ever would be, if that's what's needed. I know God can use any vessel He chooses, but that doesn't always mean the message will be received with joy, if at all. You said your Mom may not realize her actions have consequences--mine knows they may, and doesn't care!  Please keep us posted, if possible.
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Jesus is Lord. Deal with it.
If religion is a crutch, then JESUS is my wheelchair.
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RE: Speaking the "truth in love" to your mother? - 6/13/2008 6:26:01 PM
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Miril
Posts: 117
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline
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This is the hardest thing I have had to do aside from the girl-cousin issue.
I asked an elder sister in Christ for advice (which is also my sister-in-law) since she had the same issue with her grandmother. Plainly put she told me "The bible says honor your father and mother and you have to do it". I am sure I was making faces lol.
So I figured I had nothing to lose and possibly gain better communication with my mother, which is good because I was holding some stuff against her I never confronted her with anyway. So win win.
And yes mothers will always think their way is the right way, I guess that is normal because I have always seen that.
The only problem is we are all from different generations, and that is where the issues and disagreements come in.
Exodus 20:12 (New International Version)
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
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Proverbs 15
3 The eyes of the LORD are in every place, Keeping watch on the evil and the good.
God Bless.
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