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SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 9:51:57 AM
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Aisha
Posts: 52
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Maryland
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When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
Have you ever done it?
How do you feel about it?
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
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Engaged to my bestfriend Sept. 5, 2008!
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 10:10:33 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
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I don't think it is "snooping" , but prudent investigation is something we have to consider doing in this day and age.
When I meet anyone who may be in my home at some point, I run their name in the sexual offender and my state's prison system online listings.
If things were getting serious, headed toward marriage, I would check the person's credit history too. A lot of marriages end over finances.
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 10:12:02 AM
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Aisha
Posts: 52
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Maryland
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Gotcha....
What about email, social accounts, files on their personal computer..?
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Engaged to my bestfriend Sept. 5, 2008!
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 10:15:40 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
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From: United States of America
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aisha
Gotcha....
What about email, social accounts, files on their personal computer..?
I would not read their email, or check out the cookies on their computer, but would check out their myspace or facebook accounts.
_____________________________
I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 10:21:57 AM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 875
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: So. Calif.
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aisha
When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
If there is trust, I don't believe it's necessary.
Have you ever done it?
No, never felt a need to.
How do you feel about it?
I have no problem with a person who feels a need to snoop to protect themself or their assets.
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
We have complete access to everything. I check his E-mail because he never goes on the computer.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 2:01:47 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1588
Joined: 5/27/2006
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For this married couple, it would never be considered "snooping" to thoroughly check out any and everything that involves a spouse of this union. That road goes both ways.
We are one flesh. What's mine is his and what's his is mine. I can play with his phone, have access to all financial accounts, don't know his e-mail passwords but I could probably guess, since he only uses a few variations. On the other hand, I could ask and he would tell me cheerfully, only bothering to ask "why?" after he gave it out. Ditto for my phone, e-mails, etc.
I wouldn't want to be married any other way- full transparency and honesty in all things.
After all, once you are married, your spouse's credit rating will affect your life for the rest of your life. If your spouse has a criminal record, it will show up when you go to volunteer somewhere as a couple and get turned down.
My twin sister's first husband (divorced twice, currently single) hid a previous conviction from my sister, and she was furious when she found out! Not furious that he had been so stupid when he was younger, but furious that he kept secrets from her.
It increased her suspicions that he was not trust-worthy. The secret itself did not contribute to the divorce, but the hiding and lying and engaging in activities he would be ashamed for her to know about, THAT killed the marriage.
So if you are considering marriage, and you have any suspicion at all that your intended is not 100% honest, check him/her out. It will save you years of heartache if you discover BEFORE you get married that they are the kind of person capable of living a double life or keeping secrets.
And also in my experience, liars are the only kind of person to be offended by having their integrity questioned. People of integrity are usually eager to clear their good name. Liars get all self-righteous and haughty when you question their integrity.
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 "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 3:24:51 PM
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fluffmonkey
Posts: 1754
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
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When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
If there is trust then you should have no reason to snoop, I mean if your curious about something why not just ask about it
Have you ever done it?
No not had any reason to do so
How do you feel about it?
I guess it depends...upon the situation.
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
we have access to each others stuff...and what ever else if we wanted it could have the access to...but we know each other passwords and I dont really get on his stuff unless he ask me to lol
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 4:19:46 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1617
Joined: 5/23/2006
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There is no such thing as "snooping" in a marriage. What is mine is her's and vice versa. One email, one password, one bank account etc.
I can't think of any record both of us don't have access to at any given moment. We have no need for indiv. accts and don't use social networks such as facebook. I think of those things more for young college kids etc.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 4:50:57 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 767
Joined: 11/28/2005
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quote:
When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
*I'd say if you caught the S/O in a lie or found something by accident that raised a red flag.
Have you ever done it?
*Yes, when an S/O told me he wasn't married or seeing anyone but I caught him saying "we" too much... so I snooped and found out the guy I really liked was living with his girlfriend and raising her 3 children (the relationship had been going on for over 5 years!)
How do you feel about it?
*Not a big issue.
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
*He sure does... he paid for more than 95% of the stuff!
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/9/2008 5:19:42 PM
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BJinWA
Posts: 59
Joined: 5/9/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aisha
When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
Have you ever done it? once, while working for my s/o, i went to turn his computer off. it was open to an email that led me to spend the next couple of hours going through his email. mind you, i had worked for him for 8 months and could have done this LONG before, but i trusted him. turns out i shouldn't have
How do you feel about it?
Grateful that i had found out before it was too late. we had been talking marriage. i don't think i go a day without thanking G-d for showing me his true colors
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
when i find another, of course he will, and i would expect that i would have access to his. given my previous experience, i would probably snoop again.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/13/2008 10:16:44 AM
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MC4JC
Posts: 130
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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IMO its far better to be honest about things. When my husband and I met (on the internet and "dated" for 18 months before I moved and we got married), we told each other about our past, including our failed 1st marriages. We knew more about each other then most couples probably do.
There was nothing to hide. Therefore, nothing to snoop about. Some people say to leave the past in the past, but I feel that if you know what happened and what went wrong, then you can adjust it to future problems. Both my husband and I dealt with abuse (him as a child, me in my 1st marriage). His ex cheated on him - I know every detail of the cheating and of the abuse. In fact, he never even told his ex-wife the abuse he suffered - I was the first one he truly trusted in every way to tell his story and help him heal.
If you have to snoop with a bf/gf, then you are planting seeds of doubt.
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RE: SNOOPING - 7/13/2008 11:58:07 AM
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LivingParadox
Posts: 429
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aisha
When is snooping ever necessary for an engaged couple or married couple?
Have you ever done it?
How do you feel about it?
Does your S/O have access to your personal stuff?
I think on some level curiosty about someone you attached/becoming more attached is a normal thing. Checking out websites, making connection of friends and getting feedback are all normal activities. It seems legitimate to simply ask tough questions from your S.O. as that part of the communication process needed in any relationship.
I think the real issue with snooping is about bounderies -- it's a respect issue. If you are crossing lines you know you shouldn't (and you know when you cross them --don't plead innocence) you are not setting a good precedent for the future relationship.
The exception to the rule is if you ARE asking the tough questions and the situation is not congruent to the infomation being given and you are SERIOUSLY considering a lifetime -- that's discernment to check things out but that is not a open license to cross any boundry. You should not cross any more bounderies than neccessary to confirm or clear your suspesions (and keep them legal). 
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