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My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 2:05:57 AM
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LMKH
Posts: 11
Joined: 12/18/2007
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Thing is, when we met, dh and I were both middle of the ground Christians...or so he said. But I was raised with a tolerance for other people's religions and to always be kind and mind myself instead of meddling in others business and so on. My dh, on the other hand, was raised in a very angry home. He was not raised in a home with a lot of drinking, drugs, foul language, gambling, and even sleeping around. He was adopted and his adoptive mother has always held over his head that he owes her for adopting him. She has always made it clear that adoptees are defects and that he will never be able to do enough to pay her back and so on and so forth. I have always been kind to her, but my inside opinion of her is extremely low.
Back to DH. He hates Christian with an extreme passion. He will make the ugliest face and say the word "Christians" in a dramatic strung out way with the utmost hatred and contempt for us. He has informed me that I am not really a "Christian" because there areno such things, just frauds who use the term against others. I can honestly see how his adoptive mother used religion against him. She herself has been having an affair, drinking heaving, using drugs, would beat my dh horribly with a belt when he was growing up and so on. But then she goes to Catholic church and donates money and then informs DH that she will go theaven because she is favored due to giving this money (this is technically not an official teaching of the Catholic church, but she claims it is). She has informed DH of things such as he will go to hell for not obeying or serving her (he and I have been married 14 yrs and it angers her that he does stuff like attends the birth of our child instead of flying off on a vacation with her, etc). She claims God put mother and son together and that I have come between them so I am going to hell. You get the idea. So basically, she has sold him a line of goods that she speaks for God and I believe his rejection of God and Jesus and Christianity has more to do with this than anything else.
No point for family counseling. He also will not step foot in to a church as he feels everyone there is going to hex him or something. He tries to claim, in front of our children, that "Christians" do not believe there is a moon or otherwise but rather that the sky is a tapestry of dots put there to fool us by God. He will pound in to the children that Creationists are fools and so on.
Ok..our children are older and our oldest is tired of hearing him spout off. Our 2nd born knows to be respectful (they both do) but has grown to think her dad is really dumb and rude. Frankly, his behavior is seriously wrong. 3 outof our 4 children are receiving Christian educations. DH refused to smile or be happy for our 6 yr old at his kindergarten graduation recently because he just kept saying how disgusted he was at the "Christians" in the building. Our son was attending a Christian school in a Christian church.
I am so frustrated!! I am most frustrated when dh gets in to my face and yells at me and spouts off his anger toward Christians. I do not see why he has to attack like this.
At this point, I arm my children with plenty of info. I want them to know the facts.
I do want to add that 3 yrs ago, I was a die hard evolutionist. But a kind teenager boy at the bookstore said a few things to me that changed my life around. I heard what he said and thought about it and it was a major turning point in my life. I wish I knew who that boy was. It was a bookstore in Lewisville Texas.
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 2:49:52 AM
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KenBobPDX
Posts: 9
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LMKH
He was adopted and his adoptive mother has always held over his head that he owes her for adopting him. She has always made it clear that adoptees are defects and that he will never be able to do enough to pay her back and so on and so forth.
Wow. That's a really sad situation. It sounds like the adoptive mother has not heard that we are all adopted into the family of God. I'm glad that Jesus calls us "brother" and "friend" not "defects".
quote:
ORIGINAL: LMKH
Back to DH. He hates Christian with an extreme passion. He will make the ugliest face and say the word "Christians" in a dramatic strung out way with the utmost hatred and contempt for us. He has informed me that I am not really a "Christian" because there are no such things, just frauds who use the term against others. <stuff deleted>... So basically, she has sold him a line of goods that she speaks for God and I believe his rejection of God and Jesus and Christianity has more to do with this than anything else.
From your statements it seems that your dh has never known what a "real" Christian looks or acts like. God has given you a unique opportunity to show your dh what a Christian really looks like.
1 Peter 3:1 "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,"
Give your husband the respect that he craves. He may not deserve it, but wives are not asked to give their husbands what they deserve, but what they need. Check out the great work by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called "Love and Respect". It will give you great insight into what a husband needs, and how you have a great opportunity to show him Christ.
Pray for your husband and his mother. Honor her but set appropriate boundaries.
Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." This passage indicates that there is a leaving and cleaving (joining) that must occur in order for your marriage to be a healthy one.
Find yourself a good Bible teaching church where you can find other women who will support you and your children as you endeavor to walk in righteousness and holiness. You will need a good support system with other godly, like minded women praying for you.
In order for you to demonstrate Christ to your dh, you will need to be walking closely with Him, and in His Spirit. Let the Joy of the Lord be your strength.
Pray, pray and pray some more and wait on the Lord. Humble yourself under His hand and allow the Lord to use you to bring healing and wholeness to your dh and his mother.
I pray that the Lord would use you to touch your dh's heart, and your family would experience the fullness and wellness of a marriage lived under Christ's loving hand.
Psalm 127:1 "Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain."
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 7:29:40 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2632
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I agree with the previous poster. You can see *why* your husband feels this way, right? All his experience from childhood on with Christianity has been pretty darn rotten. And why do y'all not cut the adoptive "mother" out of your lives at this point? Clearly that is fueling some of the venom in him. 
Prove him wrong about Christians, and encourage your children to participate in that with you. Do they know why their dad holds this opinion? Do they understand that people who are hurting deep inside often lash out at others, trying to hide the hurt? Their dad isnt' dumb or stupid--he is deeply, deeply wounded and has been since he was a child.
I am trying to think how to explain this well. That verse the pp mentioned sometimes is interpreted as a woman needing to be wimpy and weak and pathetic , but that's not true. You have to be a strong woman to live with your husband in the state he's in now. When he goes off at you about Christianity, don't let his words beat you down, and don't take it personally. While he's spouting, remember how this anger originated, and instead of feeling personally offended, feel sympathy for the hurt little boy he was. You don't have to answer and correct every point he makes in these tirades, and I think that's what the "without a word" part of the verse means. Don't pick at the wound right now trying to show him how wrong he is, know what I mean? Instead, show him "without a word"--respect what's good in him, sympathize with the pain he's been through, acknowledge that there *are* plenty of sinners and hypocrites calling themselves Christians, be gracious with him, serve him with love and kindness and compassion, and pray. Be for your husband the Christianity that he has never seen. Show him Jesus in your life and actions.
_____________________________
 Moo
Shameless Self Promotion~This week's giveaway: For Young Men Only. Don't miss it!
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 9:28:21 AM
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timf
Posts: 574
Joined: 10/20/2006
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My dh really hates Christians
Christians can sometimes forget what Christianity can look like from the outside. You may want to ask your husband to consider just what type of "Christians" he hates.
1. Greedy televangelists exploiting the vulnerable.
2. Hypocritical posturing people who look down their noses.
3. Self-absorbed consumers looking for comfortable surroundings.
4. Ministering servants like mother Teresa.
Your husband might benefit from breaking down his experiences into various categories.
1. What percentage of his bad experience was due to a mother who is neurotic and driven by emotional and psychological issues?
2. What percentage of his bad experiences can be laid at the feet of a church system that has drifted away from the teachings of Christ over the centuries and failed his mother?
3. What percentage of his bad experiences were due to the failure of his parents Christian "family" to even know them much less help them?
Ask your husband to consider a hypothetical scenario. If the Bible and God were true and there was an enemy that was allowed to direct the course of the world, how would such an enemy attack the work of God.
If the enemy attacked God as false and untrue, he would have to fight on the ground of what was true. He would have to fight on his enemies home ground. It would be to his tactical advantage to fight on his own home ground (deception, and lies). This type of battle might take on the following strategy.
1. Turn the people of God away from their Savior to an organizational system.
2. Make the people of God elevate their system over God.
3. Bring people who are not of God into the system to insure that even the name of God is made foul.
4. Have your agents in the system take control and draw the people away from their God all the while proclaiming the tenets of the religion.
Your husband might even enjoy reading the Screwtape letters. There was a very good audio recording of the book by John Cleese (of Monty Python).
I was once asked in a work situation to explain the poor behavior of another employee who was a sort of "in your face" Christian. I mentioned that many churches establish a performance criteria to measure Christianity. The better someone does, the prouder they feel. I then said that Christianity is not about how well we compare to a set of rules, it is about who well we compare to Christ. This should produce humility instead of pride.
The Bible says that broad is the way that leads to destruction and many will say to Jesus that they called on His name and He will say that He never knew them. Paul warns of the false teachers that will come into the church.
Your husband might want to consider that the "Christians" he hates are not real Christians and that God hates them as well.
Christianity is supposed to be about truth. Challenge your husband to attack "Christianity" on this basis. Are there false Christians?, Yes. Are there Christians who are carnal?, Yes. Are there Christians who really serve the Lord and show His light and love to all around them?, Yes (albeit not many).
The solution is not to rail against false Christian or even lament over those who are Christians but still follow the world (and make themselves enemies of God, James 4). The solution is to find those rare "real" Christians and learn from them to know the true Jesus who gives them this light, love, and life.
If your husband can clearly see through the baloney of phony Christianity, he may be able to see the power of real Christianity. Seek out older women or couples whose lives show wisdom, kindness, love, and light from the Lord. Getting to know real Christians is the best way to know the real Jesus.
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 9:46:54 AM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3463
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Pray, and do not ever give up. God will hear your prayers, and work things out, in a perfect way.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/11/2008 7:50:01 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 803
Joined: 11/28/2005
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His past doesn't excuse his behavior - it sheds some light on it but the point is he can make changes and get help... there's even some good help programs (non christian) - so he doesn't have an excuse for not seeking help.
If he's being seriously verbally abusive to you and he refuses to get counseling - I wouldn't be living in the same home with him... until he gets help and shows he can behave and speak in a proper fashion.
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RE: My dh really hates Christians - 6/12/2008 11:43:56 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1109
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
His past doesn't excuse his behavior - it sheds some light on it but the point is he can make changes and get help... there's even some good help programs (non christian) - so he doesn't have an excuse for not seeking help.
If he's being seriously verbally abusive to you and he refuses to get counseling - I wouldn't be living in the same home with him... until he gets help and shows he can behave and speak in a proper fashion.
Agreed. There's never an excuse for verbal abuse, and this tends to only get worse until the abuser gets help.
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