|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/25/2008 8:00:23 PM
|
|
|
okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
|
Sunshine's question got me to thinking.
Why are Christians so SERIOUS about dating?
Now, before you jump on me, hear me out.
DATING does NOT mean:
Having sex.
Behaving provocatively.
Playing games with people's feelings.
Thinking selfishly about me and what I want.
DATING CAN mean:
Getting to know people better.
Getting to know yourself better.
Practicing skills of discernment.
Learning more about the opposite sex in general.
Practicing relationship skills.
Getting to know and appreciate all kinds of people.
Broadening your experiences. (I learned to love running from one date, hiking from another, sushi from another, jazz from another one, and on and on and on.)
Making new friends. (IT CAN happen!)
Practicing being honest, open and direct about your intentions and desires.
Practicing the habits of restraint and self-control, even mentally and emotionally.
Practicing putting another person's feelings and well-being first, even when it's very, very hard.
And, most importantly, about practicing bringing God into every aspect of your life, learning to share with him your desires and confusions and recognizing His leading and trusting Him with the outcome. (There's a whole book I should write about that, alone!)
SO.
If you can get all those wonderful benefits from dating, why do we Christians draw up lists and regulations and worry ourselves to death about whether we should even send an online wink?
C'mon, guys! Let's get out there and date!
(Rallying cries and cheers and war-whoops inserted here.)
< Message edited by okrox -- 6/25/2008 8:59:04 PM >
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/25/2008 10:32:48 PM
|
|
|
gaylel1
Posts: 1407
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
|
My answer is that Christians, especially women do not want to get ripped off and lied to from those who call themselves believers, but they play games with people thinking they are interested but in all actuality, they are not. I'm not trying to slam Christian men, and there are many who are outhere who are trying to live the life pleasing to God, but there are those who spoil it for those and destroy their witness to Christ.
Maybe I'm too serious, but at the same time, we need to be witnesses to our faith when we date and not play games and feelings with people.
Now, there are certian people who I won't date, which includes those who are into abusive situations, including those who has anger issues, those who are in drug treatment and those who are not serious of their faith.
Nothing personal, but I don't want to end up like in the past when I ended up with those types of people, especially when you are dating online because people like me end up with those types of people, and I don't want that at all.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 12:28:15 AM
|
|
|
okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
we need to be witnesses to our faith when we date and not play games and feelings with people. Oh, I whole-heartedly agree. And datng is no different than any other area of my life in that regard. I guess I need to clarify--I am serious about following Christ. Just not so serious about dating in and of itself.
Now, there are certian people who I won't date, which includes those who are into abusive situations, including those who has anger issues, those who are in drug treatment and those who are not serious of their faith.
Nothing personal, but I don't want to end up like in the past when I ended up with those types of people, Absolutely agree with you there. But that's why I've learned how to casually date. When I've run across those kinds of men, I was able to easily extricate myself from the situation. Because we were dating casually. And, as an added bonus, I think maybe, because I'm getting more experience at it, I'm learning to pick those guys out a little faster. I used to be the world's WORST judge of character. )Hence, the ex-h. But that's another thread for another day!)
especially when you are dating online because people like me end up with those types of people, I understand that. I used to, too.
and I don't want that at all. Can I get an "Amen" up in here on that?
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 4:02:58 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
For me (note I said for me) life is so very busy that if the lady has no shot at being marriage potential for me I can't spare the time to just casually date her.
So every date is exploratory for marriage. Kind of rules out the whole casual dating thing.
Of course I try to keep the mood light and casual. Don't want to scare her off by buying a ring on the second date. (That's what the tenth date is for!)
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 7:52:16 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 1443
Status: offline
|
Just like John, this is just my take on the whole dating thing.
For me, dating something I do in order to find a suitable marriage partner. I'll only date someone I'm attracted to And interested in. If I'm not attracted to you, there's no way I'd go out with you unless we're 100% clear we're just friends, nothing more, not gonna be anything more...ever. If I date you, I'm interested in getting to know you And I'm interested in presenting to you who I am. I'd like you to learn to trust me, And trust starts solely focusing on dating you And not every one else. But then, if I'm interested in you, I can't be interested in someone else. That's just the way God made me to be...a. one man woman.
If I go out on a date with you And we're not clicking after the first date, I won't see you again And definitely won't waste your time or mine. Now, if you're willing to be friends, And you're sure you can handle it, then, by all means, I'm open to it. But don't treat me like the object of your affection as I'll run to the hills. If we're dating And after the first few dates And we're not compatible, I'll break up with you. If we're dating And you told me there's a few other you're dating, then, I wish you luck with that. I'm not the type who would go into "the Bachelor or Bachelorette". Too complicated. Too many feelings get hurt. I'm not high maintenance, nor am I possessive. I just know that relationships have to have a great deal of trust And it has to start from first date.
I hardly date for a lot of reasons. But if I want to do things, I have friends for those. Or I'll join a group that are interested in things that I'm interested in. There's a friend I hang out who's interested in me, but we made it clear I'm not going there. Every thing's OK. When we go out, it's not a date. I have a friend I have feelings for but I can't see myself with. I'm OK with that too. When we do things, it's not a date. It's friendship. I draw the line very clear so not to complicate things.
Bottom line for me, people date because they are interested in finding someone, not finding friends. And when you consider something a date, there's already an expectation. I just tend to recognize that people's feelings matter And I wouldn't want to lead someone on, nor be lead on.
One question for the casual dater: DO you ever have to break up with people that you casually date? I mean, you're not really committed to anything other than having fun, then, they can just disappear from your life without explanation???
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 6/26/2008 8:12:50 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 7:57:53 PM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13180
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
I can't casual date. Never have, never will. I will get together in groups with people and get to know others, but no, I don't casual date. Dating is too important to me. Maybe our definitions are different. *shrug*
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 9:01:29 PM
|
|
|
gaylel1
Posts: 1407
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
|
Michelle Mc Kinley Hammond said it one time in a Focus on a Family Broadcast dealing with singles--"Not everyone you date you are not going to be married to." And this is so true. You see, some say they love you, thinking that marriage in the plans and all of a sudden, the feeling and the fantasy ends. This happens especially with the women because once a man get so interested in them, saying those three little words thinking they are interested, and then the interest wanes, people get hurt.
I can date if people put their intentions up front, not play games and feelings with people.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/26/2008 9:27:08 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 1443
Status: offline
|
Another question for the casual dater. How much closer would you allow yourself to be with a man/woman knowing he's only casually dating you and he's looking around for other potentials? How open would you allow your heart to be to that person? Also, how competitive would you be in order to win the person's heart? I know we don't think of dating in these terms. But imagine you're dating someone who's got three other people he's dating. You're interested in him. He tells you he really wants to keep it casual right now and he's got another date tomorrow. What would your reaction be?
I'm asking because I can never date casually but a lot of the men I know do. And they do it because they haven't found the right one and are just dating for something to do. The one man I know who was an expert in casual dating dated so many woman. But it only took one date with his fiance to realize that she's the one he's willing to give his whole attention to. The scenario made me realize that people that if someone puts you in his casual dating list, chances are, he's really not that into you and you're just "something to do" for now.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 7:59:06 AM
|
|
|
okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
|
Oooh! Oooh! Ooooh!
I want to respond, but no time this morning. Stay tuned.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 9:58:56 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3697
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
|
i know this subject has come up a lot - it's the approach taken in cloud-townsend books for example. if someone seemed like a really good match for me in most areas yet there was a big red flag i knew about, i admit i'd be hesitant to go on multiple dates to avoid building feelings towards them. i recall from browsing one of their dating books that they say this only happens to weak Christians. however i generally subscribe to the harley love bank theory and believe spending increased time with someone who makes you feel good, will increase your feelings toward them. *shrug*
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 11:01:15 AM
|
|
|
ladioffaith
Posts: 2925
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: offline
|
may I pop in?
Of course you're not going to waste your time dating someone you know that you know that you know is not right for you.
But what if you're not sure?
That is where the date comes in.
Getting to know the person is not such a bad thing.
If I had to evaluate every man and decide before every date if he was "marriage material" I probably would date even less often than I do. The whole idea of "considering marriage" before the first date scares me.
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 12:08:10 PM
|
|
|
ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
|
I want to make some general comments to the men on this forum and I understand some may disagree.
We put so much emphasis on dating to find that marriage partner but what about our responsibility to take our spiritual sisters out on dates solely for the purpose of encouraging them? Many of our single sisters are getting hit on by men in the world and unfortunately many of them succumb to that temptation because the brothers are not stepping up to the plate to encourage them. I think we single men have a responsibility to encouraging our sisters with positive of examples of what christian men are all about so they'll want to wait for one. Many sisters have to choose between sitting at home alone and going out with that attractive male that keeps hitting on them and that's a discouraging place to be in.
Of course, the above does not apply if we are already in an exclusive dating relationship with someone and it's headed towards marriage. In the meantime, lets take care of our sisters brothers because they need it.
I personally am not going out on any dates at least until my divorce is final next month. When I do start dating, it will be for the purposes of encouraging the sisters because I know I have to go through the healing process before even considering a serious relationship. I plan to be very up front with that and will likely focus mostly on group dates or activities and such. Come guys...we as Christians should be having a blast building friendships with our sisters and helping them to feel encouraged.
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 6/27/2008 12:17:37 PM >
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 2:51:33 PM
|
|
|
gaylel1
Posts: 1407
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
I want to make some general comments to the men on this forum and I understand some may disagree.
We put so much emphasis on dating to find that marriage partner but what about our responsibility to take our spiritual sisters out on dates solely for the purpose of encouraging them? Many of our single sisters are getting hit on by men in the world and unfortunately many of them succumb to that temptation because the brothers are not stepping up to the plate to encourage them. I think we single men have a responsibility to encouraging our sisters with positive of examples of what christian men are all about so they'll want to wait for one. Many sisters have to choose between sitting at home alone and going out with that attractive male that keeps hitting on them and that's a discouraging place to be in.
Of course, the above does not apply if we are already in an exclusive dating relationship with someone and it's headed towards marriage. In the meantime, lets take care of our sisters brothers because they need it.
I personally am not going out on any dates at least until my divorce is final next month. When I do start dating, it will be for the purposes of encouraging the sisters because I know I have to go through the healing process before even considering a serious relationship. I plan to be very up front with that and will likely focus mostly on group dates or activities and such. Come guys...we as Christians should be having a blast building friendships with our sisters and helping them to feel encouraged.
Brother, as your fellow sister in Christ, I totally agree with you because we shouldas servants to encourage one another in the faith. I found that out when I was into finding someone online and many of those people who say they are "Christians" and are said to be brothers in the faith were not living their faith at all, nor they were not involved in a fellowship nor they did not have that spirtitual covering by a church body. Not only we should see some encouragment among the brothers in the church, but also here on CW/C.Com and letting the sisters know they are special and they are loved by Christ and they are important in the body.
In my opinion, I really do not see enough of that here because often if we have a topic about Christians sisters/Brothers, sisters and brothers get attacked instead of letting them know they are loved by God and they are part of the family. I'm not trying to attack people, because I know there are good people here on this site, some I met personally whose hearts are sincere.
I believe too that when dating to start the "healing process," one ought to be careful that it is not sending the wrong message of being attached, because us women want to be loved, yes, but at the same time, we need to understand too that brothers and sisters are not sending the wrong signal of interest and one party be hurt by it.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/27/2008 3:29:21 PM
|
|
|
ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
|
Someone posted in a thread that we as christians forget how to just have fun together because we are so intent on trying to find that match and it got me thinking. There's nothing wrong with looking for a marriage partner but we shouldn't have such tunnel vision that we forget about the "one another" scriptures in the Bible.
I live with a few christian men and some of the single sisters in our ministry decided to invite us over and cook for us just to encourage us. We had a great time together and of course we returned the favor. One of the most memorable times I had was on a huge group date when we went canoeing. At some point, we all started falling into the water or tipping each other over and it was just such a blast chilling in the middle of this 5-mile course.
Not to mention, casual dating/hanging out gives you an opportunity to learn how to relate to the opposite sex without all the pressure.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/28/2008 9:41:56 AM
|
|
|
okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
|
What I Mean By Casual Dating
Imagine you are the HR person at a large, successful corporation and you are looking for someone to fill a very important position. How do you go about it?
Let's say you decide to look through the resumes that you already have on file. You throw out any whose aren't the EXACT qualifications you have in mind. (MUST be a prestigious degree from only certain universities, must have the exact amount of experience, must be the exact demographics, must belong to all the right professional organizations, and on and on.) Oh! Goody! Look! Here's a perfect resume. Call this guy in. Interview him, call his references (They are all glowing of course.) You give him a physical, then you hire him on a probationary period. Full-time, just no "benefits" ;-)
You then send him off to corporate headquarters for six months of training. It's looking good. You order his stationary with the company letterhead. Suddenly his probationary period is up, and it's time to decide whether or not you want to hire him.
Gee, he's not quite as wonderful as his resume and references suggested. But, well, you do have all this time and money invested in him. And if you don't hire him, you're going to have to go back to that old file of resume's and start this whole long process completely over. That would be a bummer...you really, really need to fill this postion...Oh, it will be alright. He's surely got as much invested as you do. Surely you can make this work. You hope. Yeah. Hire him. Yeah. That's the thing to do.
Is that how you would do it?
Or. instead, would you advertise the opening as soon as possible through every professional networking means you can think of, gather as many new applicants as you can, cull through all the resume's, tossing out the obviously inappropriate ones, and getting a nice stack of possibles?
Then, maybe you'd call all of those in for aptitude and personality assesments. You could skim off the top of those results and tell the rest, "Thank you for your interest here, but we feel we are not a suitable match." With your smaller group. you could call them in for a preliminary interview in front of a panel. You could choose the top three out of that group. Then, if you sent THOSE three for training, when the time came to offer the job, wouldn't you be confident that you had put in every effort to find the very best candidate available?
Now.
Ask yourself.
Which way makes more sense? But which way do most people date?
Someone asked about me dating "just for fun". That's accurate, but it's also not accurate. It's more like, I look at each individual date as, "Hey, at the very worst, we had a fun time today." (Notice I said "we". I try very hard to put my date's well-being near the top of the priorities here.) But make no mistake. While I am having fun, I am also intentionally looking for the best husband God's got for me. I am just being very, very pro-active about it.
Am I trying to overstep God's leading here? Never. I'm just working alongside Him. Doing everything I can do on my part, trusting Him to do His part. I think there's a lot of biblical precedent for that in other areas of life. Why should I be so passive about this one?
Also, I think some people were wondering about hurting other people in this process. That is a consideration that is always on my mind. But, if you go back to the hiring analogy, it is a professional courtesy to let people know about your hiring process, and where they are in that. It keeps the suspense bearable, and lets people know how aggressively they should be pursuing other options at the same time. I am very upfront about my dating "process." I let men know that the first few dates are nothing more than the beginning of a long vetting. The first date is just going over the resume. Nearly every man I've gone out with has seemed to appreciate that. It takes a lot of pressure off.
Now, be assured--I don't think I am All That. I have had LOTS of men withdraw their resume's at the earliest possible opportunity! Oh well. That's business.
And, yeah, some who have gotten a little further in the process were a little disappointed that they didn't make it to the final interviews. But I think they will tell you that I did not lead them on, or play games with them.
I am not sure--I think I may have stolen this analogy from the "How to Find..." book. I can't remember! HA! But it's one that makes a lot of sense to me.
I just think that if you really, really want something, it's fine to let God know that you want it badly enough that you're willing to put some sweat into it. That's all I'm doing. I'm STILL, at the end of the day, saying, "If it's your will, God." Because He's God and He knows what He's doing and I don't. If I never marry, oh well. God's grace IS sufficient. In the meantime, I am getting to work.
And it IS work. One guy I went out with had the same philosophy. He said, "I am working at this like it's my second job. I think I am putting 40 hours a week in on this." Good for him. He knows what he wants and is willing to work for it. Can't God be honored in that?
< Message edited by okrox -- 6/28/2008 10:00:51 AM >
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/28/2008 2:11:19 PM
|
|
|
ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
|
okrox, I think you advocate a very wise and mature approach to looking for that mate while minimizing the chance that you or the other person will be devasting. I agree with you 100% on your philosophy here.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/28/2008 2:31:47 PM
|
|
|
DrivenbyGod
Posts: 223
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
I think I'm with the majority on this one.
If I want to date a women it's because I'm attracted to her and want to get to know her on a deeper level and hopefully develop something that will lead to marriage. I'm not interested in dating just any women out there just to date and keep myself busy or entertained.
If you want to learn things from people and do things why go out on dates to do it. Why not explore them on your own or with a group of people?
Also, I think for the most part people don't think of casual dating the way you do okrox. Personally, when I hear the phrase "casual dating" it makes me think of people that just want to use one another and have no interest in developing any meaningful relationships.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/28/2008 2:33:37 PM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13180
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
quote:
Personally, when I hear the phrase "casual dating" it makes me think of people that just want to use one another and have no interest in developing any meaningful relationships.
Yes, that is my thought too.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/28/2008 8:37:53 PM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 2656
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
quote:
Personally, when I hear the phrase "casual dating" it makes me think of people that just want to use one another and have no interest in developing any meaningful relationships.
Yes, that is my thought too.
Tritto for me.
_____________________________
Buy local, support local retailers.
<---Look a smiling dog.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/30/2008 12:11:41 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
We put so much emphasis on dating to find that marriage partner but what about our responsibility to take our spiritual sisters out on dates solely for the purpose of encouraging them?
Asking a woman out on a date when all you're looking for is a one night good time is hardly what I would call encouraging. Why play with her heart that way? Seems kind of cruel to me.
quote:
Many of our single sisters are getting hit on by men in the world and unfortunately many of them succumb to that temptation because the brothers are not stepping up to the plate to encourage them. I think we single men have a responsibility to encouraging our sisters with positive of examples of what christian men are all about so they'll want to wait for one. Many sisters have to choose between sitting at home alone and going out with that attractive male that keeps hitting on them and that's a discouraging place to be in.
Encouraging her is not the same as misleading her. Taking her on a date is misleading. At it's most basic emotional level you are lying to her, UNLESS you state right up front that you have no interest and you're just taking her out to encourage her. (Ladies, how many of you really want a pity date?)
quote:
I personally am not going out on any dates at least until my divorce is final next month. When I do start dating, it will be for the purposes of encouraging the sisters because I know I have to go through the healing process before even considering a serious relationship. I plan to be very up front with that and will likely focus mostly on group dates or activities and such. Come guys...we as Christians should be having a blast building friendships with our sisters and helping them to feel encouraged.
I strongly suggest not dating for at least a year after a divorce. Take the time to grieve and get rid of the baggage so that it doesn't poison any new relationship. (I'm assuming that your spouse committed adultery against you. )
< Message edited by John_O -- 6/30/2008 12:17:42 AM >
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/30/2008 12:13:50 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Someone posted in a thread that we as christians forget how to just have fun together because we are so intent on trying to find that match and it got me thinking. There's nothing wrong with looking for a marriage partner but we shouldn't have such tunnel vision that we forget about the "one another" scriptures in the Bible.
I live with a few christian men and some of the single sisters in our ministry decided to invite us over and cook for us just to encourage us. We had a great time together and of course we returned the favor. One of the most memorable times I had was on a huge group date when we went canoeing. At some point, we all started falling into the water or tipping each other over and it was just such a blast chilling in the middle of this 5-mile course.
We must have different definitions of "date". There is no such thing as a group date. Christians are not polygamous.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/30/2008 12:15:56 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
Which way makes more sense? But which way do most people date?
There's no difference between the two. Dating is a culling process that starts with the evaluation of potential date candidates and ends with the wedding. The only difference in your two job examples was how far along in the process you were.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/30/2008 1:34:01 AM
|
|
|
ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
|
I see your points John_O but I think you make a lot of presumptions I'd have to respecfully disagree with. One of the problems lie within the fact that the term "date" means different things to different people. Some think of it in terms of going out with someone you have a romantic interest in (not position or the position of many I fellowship with) whereas others look at it as simply hanging out with the opposite sex for friendship building times. What's wrong with a group of brothers asking a group of sisters out for a group date (i.e., trip to Sea World, Picnic at Park, Game of volleyball and bar-b-cue at beach and such). These types of group dates are pretty common in my ministry and it doesn't always have to do with asking someone out that you are interested in and that's clearly understood on both sides. Sometimes interests inevitably develop and those situations evolve into exclusive dating relationships but most of the time it's just having fun together as christians. In reading your posts on dating, I think you have an unneccesarily rigid mindset when it comes to "dating," "casual dating", "hanging out with the opposite sex" or whatever term you choose. You are entitled to that mindset but don't impose it on others please.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: In Praise of Casual Dating - 6/30/2008 1:37:26 AM
|
|
|
okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
quote:
Personally, when I hear the phrase "casual dating" it makes me think of people that just want to use one another and have no interest in developing any meaningful relationships.
Yes, that is my thought too.
Tritto for me.
Seriously? For real?
I never thought of it that way at all, since that is the furthest thing from my intentions.
Maybe I shouldn't call these "dates" then. Maybe just "meet-n-greets?"
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
