Does anyone else have this problem?

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Does anyone else have this problem?

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Does anyone else have this problem? - 8/5/2008 1:05:55 AM

monicaleap

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline

I feel like the most selfish mom on the planet. I've come to realize that after 25 years of marriage and 3 great kids that I think I've only loved them because of what they were giving me. In other words I walked into this family life very needy. Have been a Christian for many years but have not been able to shake it. Husband is loving but not affectionate. When kids came along, I finally got that love. I thought I was feeling the perfect maternal instinct. But now that my oldest is 16 and wants to be away more and needs me less and wants my advise less, etc. Instead of being a secure grounded mom saying "it's just her being a teen" I find myself wallowing in self pity wishing I had the little girl back (but I think for the wrong reasons). I don't want the little girl back because of how sweet she was then, etc. I want her back because of how much love, adoration, etc she gave me. And now that I'm not getting that, I really hurt. How selfish is that!!?? Is there something wrong with me?

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RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 8/5/2008 1:31:42 AM

funny_girl

Posts: 832
Status: offline

monica, This is what the empty nest is all about. It's that transition stage when we feel 'lost' for a little while until our lives become full of something else. I tried to start some threads in the women's only forum but didn't have a lot of success with it there. Just for fun, how about taking a couple of free online tests?

http://www.oneishy.com/personality/personality_test.php

http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/

You just need to discover a little more about you now and you have a new adventure to go on. You're not alone. I feel the same way in many ways but I love my husband the way he is. He's reliable and God can meet my needs through other things. 3 1/2 weeks ago I was given a 3 month old baby to take care of and I'm loving it! I get to smother him instead of my kids

I'm fortunate to be real good friends with my sons but also respect their manlihood and try not to really smother them but love them and let them know I've got hugs and kisses when they want them. We have a joke, "Hug your mother!"

What you're going through is normal, don't worry!

_____________________________

"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10

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