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Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/19/2008 1:49:32 AM
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FindCaleb
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Hi Gals,
I'm dating an adventurous girl who is more like "one of the guys". With other girls I've dated, I find this amazing thing happens. A deep desire shows up to be chivalrous. Hold the door for her, call her when she's driving alone at night, walk between her and the street on the sidewalk, buy her flowers etc...
But with my current girlfriend, she's pretty simple and a tomboy. She doesnt like fluff doesnt' seem to into those things. I find that side of me that wants to come out and be chivalrous stays dormant. He's inside taking a nap. bored to death.
I've tried a bit to do those things but it doesnt seem to go over very well. Do tomboys want chivalrous guys? Or do they just want another "buddy" to hang out with? Some friends have encouraged me to keep trying. Theres a girl in there somewhere an I need to encourage her to come out. I have been but is that me trying to change her?
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/19/2008 5:43:37 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2534
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this tomboy loves her chivalrous husband. It just took the tomboy side of me awhile to grow up and appreciate the nice gestures that a man can offer.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/19/2008 7:43:37 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 954
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I find that most women want their men to do those things for them out of caring and affection, instead of making the women feel less capable. I mean, if by you doing them, it's making her feel like she won't be able to handle herself, then, yeah, I can see where she would get annoyed.
I'm one of those real adventurous type who can manage very well on my own. But I'm also very feminine. After a day of rock climbing, I easily slip into a dress and one would never know I do those type of things. I'd love it if a man opens the door for me, or pay for my dinner or call me when I'm driving late at night. I love that I can do so many things without a man, but those things were learned because there was no one to do those things for me. So, if a man shows up and starts treating me like a queen, hey, I'm sure I'd let him.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/19/2008 4:29:12 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 270
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I'm a tomboy and I like chivalry in a man. I'm not into "fluff" but I am a romantic and chivalry is romantic. Heck, it's just plain good manners.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/20/2008 12:08:32 AM
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Dakotasunbeam
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Depends on the girl. I'm a tomboy, definately, but I like chivalry. There is some stuff that can be frivolous or "fluffy" but I would never reprove him for those actions and I would show great appreciation for it, because it is a part of who he is; and what he likes to do. I'd honor him in that. It takes a lot of give an take. What you should look for in a girl, is the ability to appreciate what you do, whether its something she really likes or not. That is the hallmark of care.
Blessings to you and the girl!
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/20/2008 10:58:13 AM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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I was a tomboy, and still am one at heart (though it might not seem like it at first) and I LOVE chivalry.
I think the only difference is, as much as I love it, it didn't bother me too much if it wasn't always there.
I love when my husband holds the door open for me, but if he doesn't do it, it doesn't bother me and I don't make a deal out of it.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/21/2008 12:45:55 PM
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FindCaleb
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Thanks for the insight ladies. Very good things to remember. Its helpful to keep in mind that it needs to make her feel special not inferior. That will probably just fire her up!
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/26/2008 1:47:56 AM
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locomom
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Much of chivalry is what I learned as good manners. As a tomboy, I definitely want to be treated with good manners. I won't do like an acquaintance of mine has done and sit in the car or stand by the passenger door until her husband opens the door for her. I open door for my husband, help carry things when needed, etc. However, my husband carries my Bible and choir folder into church and after church, and I like it. It is one regularly practiced small thing that is done often and it says I love you.
We also race to the door at home, shoving each other a bit to get to the door first using our own keys. I've had to adjust my expectation and learn what he was taught in the way of manners. I accept that his are less formal than mine. That reflects that he came from a different family background (country farm family) than I did (city formal). Watching my aunt eat chicken with a knife and fork and get the bone completely clean is an impressive feat in our house. I have learned a lot about genuine warmth for other from my Southern country in-laws. Manners are summed up by their adage, "You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar!"
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/26/2008 1:40:42 PM
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reach
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I agree with all these ladies. Chivalry is good manners. My husband does these things not because I can't do them myself, but because he loves me and I am precious to him.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/29/2008 4:04:45 AM
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beachcooky
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Hi! I'm a tomboy, but not all the way. I still like doing a few girl things.
And even though I am a tomboy, I love chivalrous guys! My former boyfriend was like that. Sometimes he went too overboard, but simple things he did was very sweet and pretty much romantic. I miss him, but I had to end it.
But I sure hope God has someone is store for me.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/29/2008 10:18:29 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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Well, I wanted desperately to be a tomboy, had it in me and was able, on occasion, to do some things, but I was not allowed to live it out fully. It was held down because it wasn't "proper." Maybe it is because I could not be what I was created to be, but no, I don't want a man to be concentrating on demonstrating chivalry.
I wrote, in another thread, the most irritating things about guys who play at chivalry, so I won't do that here, but the things I wrote are extremely irritating. To me, it is all just a macho act, another way to keep the little lady in her place. I know, that will irritate lots of people.
But here are a few things: why are men embarrassed when a woman will open a door for him when he is obviously inconvenienced (hands full, carrying a child, physically disabled, etc.)? Why do OLDER men think that if they pay for the meal, we owe them something? Why do men think they always have to be behind the wheel, even in the woman's vehicle?
Oh, I know: I dated very wrong men after I was widowed, but I married someone who was not like that. Not a perfect man but one for whom I thank G-d every day now, because he is becoming the man G-d intended him to be.
Oh, yeah. Your question.  You need ot just ask her. Don't as us, don't ask friends -- Ask Her!! Converse! Ask the questions, get the answers!
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Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/30/2008 8:02:37 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2534
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From: just north of Florida
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quote:
But here are a few things: why are men embarrassed when a woman will open a door for him when he is obviously inconvenienced (hands full, carrying a child, physically disabled, etc.)? Why do OLDER men think that if they pay for the meal, we owe them something? Why do men think they always have to be behind the wheel, even in the woman's vehicle?
The outrageous "macho" thing is differant than chivalry. I agree that a man should thank anyone who opens the door for them when their hands are full. There was a chap bringing a wheel chaired elderly woman out of a restaurant and could have handled it by himself. But I got to the door first and remembered pushing baby strollers through doors, so I held the door opened for him. He said, "thanks" but the young men behind him looked a little sheepish for not thinking of it themselves. But then again, I cannot really tell what they were thinking....
I suspect older men want to still feel like they can take care of business. Makes them feel younger somehow, I guess.
My husband drives when we are together, usually, just because he finds it hard to relax when I drive. I drive just fine and he knows it, but he is a leader. Reluctant at times, since he wants to take life easeir, but a leader none the less. He leads well!
O.K. done playing jr. physcologist
In the meantime, I like him opening doors for me. I will actually wait for him to do it for me. It is a sign of respect and I don't take it for granted. But to keep me from getting a big head, he will in the next heart beat, tease me with something silly. But teasing is how his family shows affection.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/30/2008 9:35:26 AM
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rainbowtvp
Posts: 1029
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From: The Unted State of Confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FindCaleb
I've tried a bit to do those things but it doesnt seem to go over very well. Do tomboys want chivalrous guys? Or do they just want another "buddy" to hang out with? Some friends have encouraged me to keep trying. Theres a girl in there somewhere an I need to encourage her to come out. I have been but is that me trying to change her?
Yes. IMO, it is you trying to change her. People like different things.
Not liking chivalry does not make her any less a girl and thinking of it that way is insulting. I have known "girly girls" who don't like chivalry, either. And I have known "tomboys" who do.
To continue to do things/approach her in a way that she has clearly shown are not appealing to her is disrespectful. Chivalry is about show- it is insincere or maybe that is the wrong word- impersonal. If someone truly cares about another, the rememebr their preferences and then act accordingly in the future.
If, for instance, you open the door for her and she expresses to you that she hates that, but you continue to do it... that is not a caring act. If you instead refrain from doing it in the future, you are showing her that you truly care about her & respect her personal beliefs, feelings, etc.
If you can't accept her as she is, then maybe the two of you aren't the best match.
Tara P
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/30/2008 12:35:54 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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Part of the problem with the act of chivalry is also that when people expect it and get it before marriage, they need to recognize that if it is a mere act, it will all end soon after marriage. How soon depends mainly on the man but also on the woman.
If this is what a woman wants, and the man complies, fine. Do what suits the two of you. But if you think that you can plan that it will continue after marriage, you may be setting yourself up for failure.
If it is just an act, it is nothing. No! It is something all right: it is cruel, because no relationship should have to deal with an act. No relationship should have to deal with anything but complete, straight-forward honesty. Anyone who acts out what they think their partner wants, when it is not who they really are, is just plain cruel!
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/30/2008 6:26:27 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2534
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From: just north of Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
Part of the problem with the act of chivalry is also that when people expect it and get it before marriage, they need to recognize that if it is a mere act, it will all end soon after marriage. How soon depends mainly on the man but also on the woman.
If this is what a woman wants, and the man complies, fine. Do what suits the two of you. But if you think that you can plan that it will continue after marriage, you may be setting yourself up for failure.
Lots of things change after the I-do's have been said. But treating a woman with respect and doing things like opening doors and holding coats may well continue if the woman encourages it. So often guys have said that they stopped because the woman fussed at them about it.
If it is just an act to catch a woman, it is not true chivalry. Just like dolling up all pretty to catch a man and then letting one's self go is not true beauty.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 6/30/2008 6:28:56 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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Absolutely!
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Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 7/3/2008 9:15:58 AM
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manda_24
Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2005
From: Indiana
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I'm a tomboy as well and I love chivalrous guys.
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RE: Does a "tomboy" want a chivalrous guy? - 7/5/2008 11:28:45 PM
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beachcooky
Posts: 620
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda_24
I'm a tomboy as well and I love chivalrous guys.
Tom boys are the bomb. haha.
no idk...i think i'm more of a tomboy because the majority of my friends are guy..?
i don't exactly know. but i'm definitely not a girly girl
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