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Child's Fear of Death - 7/8/2008 7:49:45 PM
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AngieCat
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I have a 9 year old son who has been expressing this fear of death, specifically my death. At first it started with him being afraid the world would end and everyone would die. Then it turned into a fear of losing me. I have reassured him that I am not going anywhere, but that seems like an absent comment. Any ideas?
_____________________________
Angela
Blessed Mother of 2- Derek, age 10, and Hannah born November 9th
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/8/2008 7:55:34 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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He's smart enough to know that you don't control when you die.
Mine are a tad older, but recently they made me tell them exactly what would happen to them if I died, and if their dad died. Once I explained who they would live with, that they would be going to public school, etc, then they were fine.
Also, this is a prime time to share Eternal life with your son.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/8/2008 8:40:27 PM
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manda59
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AngieCat
Does he have a personal faith yet?
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/9/2008 6:54:54 AM
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AngieCat
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Manda, he does have a personal faith. Actually, the first time he brought up the subject (when he was afraid the whole world would end), I told him that would be a wonderful experience because we all would end up in heaven together. And heaven is so much better than Earth, I am sure. I also reminded him who is in heaven that he would see again. Fears can be so powerful.
_____________________________
Angela
Blessed Mother of 2- Derek, age 10, and Hannah born November 9th
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/9/2008 9:46:11 AM
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pbaribeault
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It also might be a good time (without talking about it in the context of his fear) to increase his ability to get by in the world without a mommy. This might make him more confident in general, as well as help him to see that he himself can be relied on.
He might appreciate being taught to prepare easy meals & snacks, do his own routines & hygiene, read to himself and to you, to do the buying of things when you are shopping, even to be familiarized with the existence of public transit so that people who can't drive can still go places.
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 1:16:23 AM
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locomom
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He might need a good explanation of death from a Christian's point of view. Has anyone in his life recently (in the last couple of years) died? Has anyone in his life recently divorced?
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 1:45:50 AM
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lightshineon
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I a mom of three girls, a Christian who knows the truth, but since child hood, I have had a fear of death of my parents. Which will happen soon, if the Lord tarries, they are elderly. I think when I was thirteen, my grandmothers funeral was so trumatic, two heart attacks at the funeral, everyone fainted, screamed, and my aunt quit breathing had cpr, at graveside. I was very quite, but have had fear ever since. I guess what I am getting at has you child beeen traumatized like I was. I truly hope not. I guess I have no advice, because I have not overcome it yet. I just wondered what made her fear become a problem? I hope and pray for her, it maybe will pass. According to my husbands mom, that he went through that stage, and now, he is fine, unlike me. I think most children come and go through stages like this.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 6:52:29 AM
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AngieCat
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Loco - Thanks for the suggestion. I will try to explain death from a Christian point of view to him,
To answer the questions about recent deaths, divorces or trauma, the answer is no. The only funeral he has been to is his great grandma who was cremated. There was no drama only a short grave side service 3 1/2 years ago. No one has divorced. The only change would be that I am pregnant with my 2nd child.
When he was 5 he had this terrible fear of fire. He got over it after reassuring him that we have smoke alarms and giving him a plan to get out in case of a fire. The reassurance took time, many occasions of speaking to him about it. Possibly, that is what is needed in this case too.
Light - I am sorry you still battle with the fear of death. I will pray for you.
_____________________________
Angela
Blessed Mother of 2- Derek, age 10, and Hannah born November 9th
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 10:06:41 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AngieCat
The only change would be that I am pregnant with my 2nd child.
Big change coming, and he likely knows it!
He won't be the baby any more, and will have to "share" you - it may well be that this could be what has triggered these recent fears.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 2:58:26 PM
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lightshineon
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Thank you, I am sure it is a short lived thing with your child, I just thought of a little boy in my SS class that went through this, he is fine now. I am praying. Congrats on second baby too, and thanks for prayer.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AngieCat
Loco - Thanks for the suggestion. I will try to explain death from a Christian point of view to him,
To answer the questions about recent deaths, divorces or trauma, the answer is no. The only funeral he has been to is his great grandma who was cremated. There was no drama only a short grave side service 3 1/2 years ago. No one has divorced. The only change would be that I am pregnant with my 2nd child.
When he was 5 he had this terrible fear of fire. He got over it after reassuring him that we have smoke alarms and giving him a plan to get out in case of a fire. The reassurance took time, many occasions of speaking to him about it. Possibly, that is what is needed in this case too.
Light - I am sorry you still battle with the fear of death. I will pray for you.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/10/2008 11:05:28 PM
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sen10tious
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Lightshine, have you considered an adult version of some of the suggestions here? Kids like to know what to expect. It seems like you were ambushed with the unexpected when you were 13. What did you do for the little boy in your SS class?
Back to helping kids (and adult children) know what to expect as a way of controlling fear, has your family done any pre-planning for your elderly parents' funeral arrangements? Some cemeteries, funeral homes and mortuaries have counselors that can help reduce some of the trauma. I had a pastor who "moonlighted" as a chaplain for a cemetery, and the pre-planed funerals were almost always less fearful for the families because they had dealt with things in little steps. Little steps would be my advice for most any age.
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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RE: Child's Fear of Death - 7/11/2008 11:26:33 PM
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lightshineon
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Thank You sen10tious for advice and prayer. The little boy, got over it,I prayed for him, during class. I told his mom and dad. His grandmother, actually died during this time of fear, after that he did not seem to fear it. Not a great encourging story really, but maybe it was the way his parents handled the grieving. My case does have a funny side, in all the horror. Oklahama I live here, and the good Lord knows I am not anything. I had a second cousion that worked in a DR. Office thinks she is a nurse, but not even a trained nurses aide, was giving valuim shots. My youngest cousin who was about seven drew the whole scene. I guess she coped in that way. Many of us children were traumitized until this day. I think the way adults handle things will effect children. quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
Lightshine, have you considered an adult version of some of the suggestions here? Kids like to know what to expect. It seems like you were ambushed with the unexpected when you were 13. What did you do for the little boy in your SS class?
Back to helping kids (and adult children) know what to expect as a way of controlling fear, has your family done any pre-planning for your elderly parents' funeral arrangements? Some cemeteries, funeral homes and mortuaries have counselors that can help reduce some of the trauma. I had a pastor who "moonlighted" as a chaplain for a cemetery, and the pre-planed funerals were almost always less fearful for the families because they had dealt with things in little steps. Little steps would be my advice for most any age.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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