Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the kids.
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Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the kids. - 10/8/2008 2:14:02 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I know some people that call it babysitting when they leave the kids at home with daddy (I'm talking intact homes, not divorced homes)..this really annoys me.....a dad is a DAD, not a babysitter...and if he needs all the intstructions laid out the way a babysitter would, maybe he simply needs to step up and be a better dad.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 9:55:33 AM
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HenriettasCat
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I don't like the term babysitting either - but I do affectionately call it 'daddy duty'.
And actually he does need a list laid out. My dh is one of the most hands on dads I know and very, very supportive of me and the children but he does rely on my prompts a lot. I think it has to do with multi-tasking and dealing with interuptions at the same time - he will just forget to take one to the toilet before bed, forget to give another his inhaler, not look at the clock and keep reading to them past a reasonable time. That kind of thing. Bedtime is a military operation in our house 
If my reminders annoyed him I wouldn't give them, but he says that it is helpful to have a list.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 10:03:46 AM
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lexie
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Yesterday I told Dh that if he wasn't working today I was going to go do laundry but leave Akeelah home and was that ok? He laughed at me because I do that all the time. It's not that I expect him to say "no it's not ok" but I ask him that way to make sure that he doesn't have anything planned (we only have one car so he wouldn't be able to go anywhere if I have.)
One thing that makes me laugh is if I'm out somewhere in the neighbourhood without Akeelah, people always ask me who is looking after her (and they look horrified because I think they're assuming first I've left her home alone.) I think it's the culture here though, but it makes me laugh that people can't possibly think that Akeelah would be alone in the care of her father.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 10:10:19 AM
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pbaribeault
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Yes, I hate the babysitting phrase too. I reply, "He's not babysitting, he's parenting. That's what dads do."
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 11:04:19 AM
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Mrs.X
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Yup, that's a phrase that bugs me too. I remember my mom saying it on my nights I saw my dad (parents not together), and it bugged my dad. He much preferred something like "tonight is her dad's night" or "her dad has her tonight".
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 1:20:33 PM
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locomom
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My husband hates that term.
One time we were in the grocery store when my daughter was a baby, my husband had the cart and our daughter while I was elsewhere in the store. Someone said, "How nice to see you babysitting your child." My husband answered, "I'm her father; it's not possible for a father to babysit his own child!" If I remember correctly, the original speaker was flabbergasted!
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 2:03:37 PM
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Auben
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I can see why that bothers people, but it doesn't bother me when others use it. We don't use it.
We have a changing society. Some people use the terms their parents used without putting particular meaning on them.
And I do have to explain things to my husband when I go out! He's a great dad, my father even commented to him that he spends a lot of time with them, but he's not here all the time and so he asks for a quick run-down as a reminder. Some of the things he needs help with I do on a regular basis and he only does occasionally. If I'm backing up the computer or cleaning out the garage I consult him as well. I just don't do it as often as he does. That doesn't make me a bad housewife.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 4:16:12 PM
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kohls356
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I never liked the term either. I know I certainly wasn't babysitting when I was taking care of the kids and neither was my husband. I don't know if it really bothered him or not to say he was babysitting.
I do know that when my husband would have the kids with him he used to get a lot of oh you sure are busy and stuff. One night I was out doing something and he took them to a restaurant. He said he had a lot of people saying how brave he was. I said oh well am I brave then too when I go to the grocery store, department stores etc.
One thing that did bother him though was a few times when he had the kids out someone would ask if it was his vistation night.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/8/2008 5:20:55 PM
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Mrs.X
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
One thing that did bother him though was a few times when he had the kids out someone would ask if it was his vistation night.
That's actually quite sad to live in a society where that is the norm.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 9:41:06 AM
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kernsfamily
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I know some people that call it babysitting when they leave the kids at home with daddy (I'm talking intact homes, not divorced homes)..this really annoys me.....a dad is a DAD, not a babysitter...and if he needs all the intstructions laid out the way a babysitter would, maybe he simply needs to step up and be a better dad.
thank you.
I have my kids out with me (on my own) ALL THE TIME....while my wife has an appointment somewhere on a Saturday, for example, I'll take the kids to the mall or wherever....
I get that from ALOT of people....a clerk at a store will comment, "OH, you're babysitting today, huh?"...
and, then I usually do comment with, "NO...i AM their dad....their sitter's name is Hannah".....
that usually makes them realize they stuck their foot in their mouth......and certainly spoke when they shouldn't have....
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 1:36:00 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
and if he needs all the intstructions laid out the way a babysitter would, maybe he simply needs to step up and be a better dad.
I'm going to disagree with this (sweetly and nicely, of course.  ). If my dh were going to be spending a day or overnight with the children with me gone, he would need a list. Two reasons: one, he didn't grow up caring for smaller children *at all*. So he started out clueless. Two, because he daily sacrifices himself so that our children can have their mommy at home, he doesn't get to see or participate in a lot of the minutia of daily life, and has no concept of what schedule works best for them, etc. For kids 5 and older, he'd likely do just fine with no advice at all. But for the little ones, he definately would need a list of a few essential things, and he would appreciate it. That doesn't make him a bad father.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 3:02:33 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
and if he needs all the intstructions laid out the way a babysitter would, maybe he simply needs to step up and be a better dad.
I'm going to disagree with this (sweetly and nicely, of course. ). If my dh were going to be spending a day or overnight with the children with me gone, he would need a list. Two reasons: one, he didn't grow up caring for smaller children *at all*. So he started out clueless. Two, because he daily sacrifices himself so that our children can have their mommy at home, he doesn't get to see or participate in a lot of the minutia of daily life, and has no concept of what schedule works best for them, etc. For kids 5 and older, he'd likely do just fine with no advice at all. But for the little ones, he definately would need a list of a few essential things, and he would appreciate it. That doesn't make him a bad father.
After it had already been written, I had a feeling you would disagree with it...  , which made me wish I had worded it differently....I didn't mean it was bad if the mom had to remind the dad where the socks were, or that the kids would need their teeth brushed, or that Johnny needs his tylenol at 8:00...that I understand.
I meant that some dads, when the mom leaves, think that when the mother is out, they can just lay on the couch and read magazines or sit in the study watching TV, completely oblivious of what the kids are doing, and they think that constitutes watching the kids...and some kids have gotten very hurt/injured that way..which, as I have observed..doesn't make the Mama too happy.
P.S. This post is for Auben's benefit, too, since she sort of addressed the same isssue.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 4:47:04 PM
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PrincessDonna
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Burns my biscuit when people call Dad duty babysitting too. (Like that, Sandy? Burns my biscuit sounds much more negative than frosting someone's cupcake, doesn't it? )
If I'll be gone more than 1/2 a day, I leave a list. Partly to put my own mind at ease and know that I didn't forget to tell him anything important, and partly so he has something to look at if he can't remember what needs doing when.
My honey is a great Daddy. The other day, I left him here with all four older kids (took the baby with me). He is in a wheelchair and they were F.I.N.E. Granted I was only gone an hour or so...but there are quite a few men who would not have insisted I leave them all.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 6:39:13 PM
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flyboy2610
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HenriettasCat
I don't like the term babysitting either - but I do affectionately call it 'daddy duty'
I refer to it as "Guard duty."
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/9/2008 9:48:13 PM
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Mrs.X
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flyboy2610
quote:
ORIGINAL: HenriettasCat
I don't like the term babysitting either - but I do affectionately call it 'daddy duty'
I refer to it as "Guard duty."
Hahaha, I guess it would be depend on the kid who's dad is at home with him. For my youngest, definetely my hubby would be on guard duty.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/10/2008 8:57:30 AM
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Consecrated2God
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We normally use the term, "watching the kids", even if it's a paid sitter.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/10/2008 11:02:53 AM
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momndaboyz
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I absolutely loathe the term "babysitting" when it comes to daddy-time. I'm relieved to see you all discussing it. I was disgusted 15 years ago the first time I heard of it when I heard my brother-in-law say that's what he was doing on evening with his kids and so we never use that term. My husband went to get my older son from the neighbor's house one afternoon and when she saw that he was without our toddler in tow and knew I was away she has HORRIFIED thinking he'd left the toddler in the house alone!(Grandma was with him at the moment). He was so offended that she assumed he was a crummy dad. I work nights and he totes around four boys four days/evenings on outings,shopping,football etc. and never complains other than he misses me.
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/10/2008 12:11:48 PM
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iampiper13
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I never could stand being called a babysitter, with my youngest when we go out I've had people say "oh your babysitting?" I usually reply no I'm her personal assistant(she disabled) I had one person reply "oh I thought you were her dad" and I said "EXACTLY" LOL
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RE: Calling it babysitting when the dad stays with the ... - 10/10/2008 12:33:31 PM
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10SNE1?
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I know some people that call it babysitting when they leave the kids at home with daddy (I'm talking intact homes, not divorced homes)..this really annoys me.....a dad is a DAD, not a babysitter...and if he needs all the intstructions laid out the way a babysitter would, maybe he simply needs to step up and be a better dad.
I think this is an interesting look at generations. Most of you are young enough to be my daughter ( sorry Kern but you are the only guy I recognize and I don't think you are quite that young) anyway...
This generation thinks it is not only crazy but insulting to use the term "babysitting" when Dad parents.
My dh and I never used the term but often got it from the grandparents and our more "traditional" BIL
My mother on the other hand...one day she "let" my dad take me to town..on the way we had minor car trouble. Dad and I ( I was probably about 2) walked across the road to a nearby farm to call a mechanic ( I'm thinking it must have been my uncle but I was too young to remember, I have just heard the story) Anyway. while at the farmhouse Dad called my mom to let her know that we would be delayed so she would not worry.
My mother had not driven a car in three years and had no real plans to start anytime soon. But she went out, got in the car and drove those five miles to get me.
Why? I asked her. She said "Well, your father was a man....he didn't know how to take care of you and I was afraid you would get hurt."
My mom didn't drive again until about 5 years later.
Not sure how many years went by before my dad was allowed to take us out of the house again
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