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Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/20/2008 4:02:28 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
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I didn't think I'd ever start a thread about such things, but alas, I am, and with head held up high, I can openly admit that yes, I've had my share of hurt and disappointments in this area. That's as real as I can get without going into details.
Judging by the age of the members frequenting this site, I'm sure most of us have had this happen in the past.
HOw painful was it and...
How did you deal with it?
What did you learn from it?
What verses can you give to one dealing with a the pain of having his/her heart broken heart due to failure in relationships. (can we make this strictly about romantic relationships).
How did God comfort you?
What fruits were produced due to this brokenness?
And how were you able to use this new knowledge and growth into the next relationship?
How long did it take for you before you can view the whole experince in a positive light...and even thankful that it happened?
How many boxes of Kleenex and tubs of ice cream did you have, lol
-And for those athletic ones--how many miles did you run before you got over it, lol? I'm counting about 35 miles per week right now, lol.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 9/20/2008 4:11:37 PM >
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/20/2008 4:19:22 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Oh, do I ever have a story for you - and it does have a happy, God ending of me having my head held high and surving through HIS power and a lot of good coming from the relationship. But, you will have to wait until this evening for me to write about it - but, I promise I will. It is exactly what you have asked - down to being thankful for it. And, I've never really cried about *him* either. God won't let me, and I won't let me. *He* doesn't deserve it.
God is SO good! 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/20/2008 9:26:26 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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This seems to happen to me every four years literally. I meet someone, fall head over heels, have an on and off relationship, then, at the end of 4 years, the relationship reaches a dramatic end for good.
quote:
HOw painful was it and...
-Always very painful because when I fall for someone, I'm 100% there--heart mind and soul. So, you can see how I can be reeling in pain at the end of every relationship. The relationships I had in between them, there was no emotional effect on me, so they didn't hurt a bit.
How did you deal with it?
-cried a lot, ran a lot, reflected a lot, spent a lot of time alone.
What did you learn from it?
it depends on which one. One thing I learned for sure is I sure know how to love and care for someone deeply.
What verses can you give to one dealing with a the pain of having his/her heart broken heart due to failure in relationships. (can we make this strictly about romantic relationships).
I like the Philippians verse in Phil 4:6-8...not worrying, trusting God, focusing on what's true....
How did God comfort you?
-At times, I felt peace that I never felt before. He took care of all my other worries so I can deal with the pain........
What fruits were produced due to this brokenness?
I'm a lot less arrogant...less self centred(still self centred but a little less), more caring and I can emphatized with the broken hearted more.
I think I'm able to take risks better knowing that it'll be alright, and the pain will pass
And how were you able to use this new knowledge and growth into the next relationship? -It gives me courage to take risk again because I know I'll be ok and God will see me through. Will I be more cautious next time? hard to tell. The older you get, it's either you learn to live fully or you become very cautious. I am choosing to experience life....with all it's wonders and mystery...
How long did it take for you before you can view the whole experince in a positive light...and even thankful that it happened? -years later...
How many boxes of Kleenex and tubs of ice cream did you have, lol
-Kleenex? Nah, rolls of toilet paper, lol, cause I only cry in the bathroom, and so far, I haven't had any ice cream though that's my ultimate comfort food. I just don't have any apetite and dropped 6 lbs in less than a few days. Could also be from studying.
-And for those athletic ones--how many miles did you run before you got over it, lol? I'm counting about 35 miles per week right now, lol.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/21/2008 10:20:45 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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How painful was it
The best way I can describe how I felt after being betrayed and attacked by someone I loved, and whom I thought loved me, was as if someone had died. Perhaps worse, because when my grandmother passed away last year, I was sad - but felt a certain sense of joy for her, knowing her earthly body trapped her beautiful spirit no more. It was a dream dying, part of myself dying, the person I thought I knew (but who had never existed) dying, it was as if hope itself died (and for a time, my hope was dead).
How did you deal with it?
At first - I just survived. I went through the routine of the every day. I breathed in and out. I ate. I slept. And slowly, I coaxed my "self" back out of whatever hiding place deep down inside she had retreated to. It took a while. But now, she knows that God is her protector, and that as long as she is drawing her strength from Him - there is no need to hide. Sometimes it is tempting though.
What did you learn from it?
To assume nothing. That to forgive doesn't always mean to forget, to become naive. That God will protect the innocent, but that He will also open your eyes to what you need to see if only you ask Him. That doubting He can do better is the worst thing I can do. To always expect miracles.
What verses can you give to one dealing with a the pain of having his/her heart broken heart due to failure in relationships.
I think the best little summary is one a friend sent me when I was having an especially rough day. Sometimes I have to repeat it to myself until I believe it, but when I do it comes ... God loves me, and there is no greater love than His. God says I am lovely, so I am. God says I have worth, so I do. I don't need an earthly relationship to make me any of those things. And to be honest - if someone is without God, they can't love me with God's love - and I don't want anything less.
My thoughts tell me to give up.
God's Word tells me to be committed. Matthew 5:33-37
My thoughts tell me "I need it now!"
God's Word tells me to exercise self-control. Galatians 5:23
My thoughts tell me I deserve to come first, be selfish.
God's Word tells me to have humility and put others first. Philippians 2:3-4
My thoughts tell to get mad and hold a grudge.
God's Word says forgive as many times as it takes. Matthew 18:21-22
My thoughts tell me to seek revenge.
God's Word tells me to be a peacemaker. Romans 12:18-19
My thoughts tell me take all the credit.
God's Word tells me to glorify Jesus Christ. John 17:5
My thoughts tell me I need to look good on the outside and no one will notice the ugly inside.
God's Word tells me to be pure on the inside and the outside won't even matter. Proverbs 31:30
My thoughts tell me I'm ugly. God's Word tells me I'm wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
My thoughts tell me I'm all alone and no one understands me. God's Word tells me He will never leave me He knows the plans He has for me. Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 29:11
My thoughts tell me that I'm just not good enough. God's Word tells me that I'm His gift to the world and that I was created in His image. Psalm 127:3, Genesis 1:26
How did God comfort you?
Honestly, there were times I didn't feel like He was. I went through a bitter time when I wallowed in my grief and "what ifs." But when I turned my face to God, He told me He'd been waiting for me. Sometimes when I most need it, His love engulfs me in an almost physical sense of being held and protected. And I find peace and rest. And then He gently nudges me back out of the nest - and when I am in His will, serving and working and praying and praising - I am comforted and overflowing with joy.
What fruits were produced due to this brokenness?
I wouldn't be who I am today. It is cliche, but "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." From the ashes of brokenness I rise armed with God's word, with a rich prayer life, with a dependence upon the One who can do ALL THINGS. The most valuable thing I've learned is that I_can't_do_this_myself. And I don't have to! Even when I'm alone I am not.
And how were you able to use this new knowledge and growth into the next relationship?
That remains to be seen. I think the God centeredness of my life is the most important thing. I will not enter into another relationship without Him.
How long did it take for you before you can view the whole experince in a positive light...and even thankful that it happened?
I think the positive feelings come and go - but I was thankful almost immediately. It wasn't easy by any means. I had been in such a brokenhearted place for so long before things "ended" that I had forgotten what else there was. But shortly I found my smile again, I took the opportunity to figure out who "I" am. To strengthen my relationship with God. I don't know if I'd be in the "God first" place I am right now if I hadn't been through what I was. I also think it makes me a more compassionate and understanding person.
How many boxes of Kleenex and tubs of ice cream did you have?
Actually - I LOST weight, in a good way. The stress of the broken relationship had cause me to balloon to nearly 200 lbs (which only made the relationship more stressful, since my weight was one of the things he was always on my case about). Kleenex - I did most of my crying in the shower. I did a lot of the crying while I was still with him. I would cry so gut-wrenchingly that I was vomiting almost daily.
But I sometimes still have a flashback or a rough day and have to have a nice, long, hot bath to comfort me back to normal.
And for those athletic ones--how many miles did you run before you got over it?
I don't know that I'll ever be "over it." In some way, it is part of who I am now. It colors the way I look at things, and in general I think that makes me a better person. It is like a slow-healing wound. It gets better, but I imagine if one looks closely there will always be a scar. Right now it is like God has asked me to rip off that final bandaid, and I am so afraid that it is going to be sore and tender. Like a pulled muscle - it is healed, but I'm afraid to use it lest it hurt again.
But God says He did not give us a spirit of fear! So like David, I tell God that I am willing to do ANYTHING He asks. Even this. I will trust that remaining open to His will, He will not lead me back into a valley of destruction without His protection.
Slowly but surely, I'm running toward God rather than running away from pain. And while some see me as a person with a "D" stamped on my forehead, I know that God does not. He sees a child who is precious to Him, that He made, and I know that it bring Him joy when I come running to Him.
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/21/2008 10:40:12 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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Thanks for your post Losgan. I really needed that.
At times, I do experience peace like nothing else. At times, I experience Him wlaking beside me through the difficultites. But at times, I feel He's either silent, or He's there saying "I told you so, I told you so...". And at other times, I see this as answers to my prayers, and God's protection for further destruction.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 9/21/2008 10:57:16 AM >
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/21/2008 11:12:05 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
At times, I do experience peace like nothing else. At times, I experience Him wlaking beside me through the difficultites. But at times, I feel He's either silent, or He's there saying "I told you so, I told you so...". And at other times, I see this as answers to my prayers, and God's protection for further destruction.
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I think God "withdraws" - or encourages me to grow by making me seek Him out, rather than simply coming to me.
I've always heard the "I told you so" ... and I'm pretty sure that isn't God. He doesn't rub in our mistakes, but says "Child, if only you would trust Me!" The Bible tells us that He is as grieved by our hurts as we are - more so.
Imagine your child has reached out and burned themselves on something you told them was hot. Do you laugh at them, taunt them, saying "I told you it would hurt." or do you offer comfort, and perhaps a gentle admonition that you tried to warn them and hope they'll listen next time?
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/21/2008 11:22:53 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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How painful was it
I've had two situations - one where I thought I was going to truly stop living - it hurt that badly. Took me days before I could breathe without gasping for air with every breath I took.
The second one was that every time we spoke, I would be sick to my stomach for a full day afterward - because I knew he was running from God and doing exactly what he said he wouldn't do. So, I stood up to him and confronted him on what happened and why it happened and how if he didn't change his ways, he'd have ten more like me lined up some day. THAT scared him! LOL Believe me, one of me was more than enough for him.
Because I took control of that second situation, it didn't hurt - sure, I was disappointed, but not hurt. There was a big difference between the two.
How did you deal with it?
Came to CW and vented to my friends!
What did you learn from it?
Wow - I learned that I can stand up for myself. I learned that God can use me to speak truth into their life. I learned that I am capable of loving unconditionally.
What verses can you give to one dealing with a the pain of having his/her heart broken heart due to failure in relationships.
It was just a variety of verses - nothing specific.
How did God comfort you?
Raised up friends and support I never knew existed for me.
What fruits were produced due to this brokenness?
Wow - *he* gave me the confidence in myself for SO many things, it's not even funny. I truly would not be where I am today if I did not have this relationship with him.
And how were you able to use this new knowledge and growth into the next relationship?
I don't know if I'm yet ready - I would have married this man. I can't say that I'm willing to open my heart to that level again - yet.
How long did it take for you before you can view the whole experience in a positive light...and even thankful that it happened?
It actually happened immediately, on the night when I confronted him. And since then, I've been able to see more and more good that has come from it, and I truly AM thankful for it - not only for what it showed me about me, but his reaction to me afterward, and what it showed me about his character. I am SO thankful we're not together!
How many boxes of Kleenex and tubs of ice cream did you have?
I never cried or did anything self-destructive - praise God!
And for those athletic ones--how many miles did you run before you got over it? Didn't run - just did tons of work on me in other ways. It's all good!
< Message edited by mutinywxgirl -- 9/21/2008 12:29:36 PM >
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Broken hearts and broken dreams....... - 9/21/2008 8:56:10 PM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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I just have to add that in the last 24 hours I've discovered just how much the issue I wrote about affected my entire family.
Part of me appreciates their new protectiveness ... but part of me wonders where it was back then.
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But I'll have to wait until later to write it out.
