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Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/17/2008 8:39:00 PM
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futurewife09
Posts: 4
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline
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I don't really know where to begin but to here it goes. Today is the first day on this site, something lead me here and I'm very glad that it did. I'm completely full of fear about getting married. Its not the married part or the wedding that even scares me. What I'm really afraid of is failing my wonderful fiance. I want more than anything to be a good wonderful Christian wife and I honestly don't know how to be. I haven't had the best examples of marriages in my life. I work full time, have the responsibilty of taking care of the home, and now an upcoming move and planning the wedding. Its all completely overwhelming. I want to find a balance to do all that I want to and need to do. And I really don't know the first step to take. I wish I could say that I've been saved but I haven't been. I would like to say that I'm on my way. It means very much to me and my future husband to have a true Christian marriage and a life lead and devoted to God. Does anyone have any advice they could give? Something lead me to this forum to seek the answers I'm needing. I can already see that the Lord is hearing my prayers. I would love to hear from other people who went through this. All advice is welcomed and appreciated
Learning to walk with God
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/17/2008 8:55:23 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 289
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
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Ok...first...DEEP BREATH!
The responsibilities seem overwhelming at first, but they're not...
First...decide priorities...what is more important...
Second...you and your future husband need to discuss the "division of labor".
If both of you work full time right now, start discussing what's going to happen when children come along...are you planning to stay home, work full time, work part time? Budget accordingly.
MOST importantly...keep the lines of communication open.
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/17/2008 11:41:01 PM
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futurewife09
Posts: 4
Joined: 5/17/2008
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Your advice makes a lot of sense and I have thought about alot of those things. I won't always be working especially once children are in the picture. However, it is my belief that as the wife it is my place to take care of the home, that responsibility should not lie with my husband. Part of the reason is because He is a truck driver and not home for weeks at a time. Im trying to find my balance now at the beginning that way I can successfully ease into our marriage with a routine and ways to handle every day things such as multitasking.
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/18/2008 12:17:37 AM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 289
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
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Multi-tasking is sort of the way it is...
Right now...I work full time (plus overtime), have 2 small children, a husband who works full time (plus overtime) and take care of my mother...
It's not easy...but...my day looks something like this:
Up at 5:30 am...get myself dressed, ready for work
6:00...husband up...he puts coffee on, gets in the shower
6:15...get girls up, washed up, teeth brushed, hair brushed, dressed.
6:45...leave with girls...take the girls to the babysitters, go to work (get there at 7:30)
5pm...leave work, fight traffic to get the kids...get home around 6
let dog out
girls feed dog and cats
start dinner
girls play/watch a video
husband home around 6:30
dinner around 6:45 or 7
8pm, girls in bed (bathed and pj'd)
husband and I clean up kitchen, do load of laundry, whatever needs to be done
9pm, tend to mom's evening care (bathroom, wash up, ready for bed)
11pm...bed!
Saturdays I normally work about 5 hours while hubby cares for girls, does laundry, etc. I roll in about noon, get mom together, then we go grocery shopping or something...have rest of afternoon to play or whatever...
Sunday...sleep late, do housework, get everything ready for the week.
it works...
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/18/2008 3:31:43 AM
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Itooamcalled
Posts: 16
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
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Hi futurwife09,
First of all let me say welcome to this site. I have only been here a few days myself and I too was lead here by God.
I think it is great that you are wanting to be the best wife you can. The fact that you are even admitting this is refreshing these days.
May I ask you a few question?
1. You said that you wish you could say you'd been saved by you haven't.........But would like to say you are on your way.........What is holding you back from asking Jesus into your heart?
2. Have you talked to anyone about where you are in your process?
3. Is your soon to be husband a Christian? If yes, for how long?
As for not really knowing how to be a Christian wife...........just becoming a Christian is the first step. Then I would suggest that you find a good Full Bible Believing church. Go in and talk with the pastor and his wife or maybe just his wife at first and see if there is someone in the body who they could introduce you to that might be willing to be a life coach.
I have found that it is one of the best tools God uses for new Christians, new wives, new husbands, new parents etc....
You said that you will be moving to a new area...........If you have a hard time finding a good church let me know and I will see if I can help you locate one.
I have been in ministry for over 20 years and my heart's passion is for women and helping each woman that God puts in my path to be victorious over the trials in her life.
I will be praying for you that you will meet the peace giver soon so that you will have someone to walk through this awesome time in your life with.
By the way, If you would like me to talk more with you on how to become a Christian, just let me know.
Blessing on you.
CyndyCay
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Itooamcalled
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/18/2008 6:27:40 AM
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DustyLady
Posts: 84
Joined: 5/3/2008
From: Ohio
Status: offline
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I don't know if we're allowed to recommend other websites here, but check out www.flylady.com. It provides wonderful tips on keeping household tasks organized. I couldn't do without it.
Dusty
_____________________________
"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion." -- G.K. Chesterton
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/18/2008 11:04:58 AM
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tiffywal
Posts: 51
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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Welcome to the site.
First, put God first above all things and everyone. I too struggled with wanting to be a good wife. I never had any real role models of marriage. One day after my DH and I argued about me being bossy and such, I prayed and asked God to deal with me. I asked him to show me his plan for marriages for our marriage. He did. I think you said that you haven't gotten saved, if so do so. I also bought the book Power of a Praying Wife. Now our marriage has developed into something beautiful and rich. We stand on God's word.
Now for all the other things that are overwhelming you. Breathe and understand that you are only one person. When planning our wedding, I had a little saying that helped me not get so overwhelmed, 'if it wasn't done by the day before the wedding then it ain't gonna get done". I refused to drive myself insane over all the details.
Lastly, Pray
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 5/18/2008 10:25:40 PM
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futurewife09
Posts: 4
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline
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Hi Cyndy,
First of all thank you for your reply....
It wasn't until God showed me that a man could truly love me by bringing me my fiance ane his family did I truly start to believe. God has saved my life before and I knew He was giving me a second chance. But I still felt as if I was lost and I didn't know how to reach out and ask for God's help. I think I'm just afraid to ask Jesus in my heart. It was so easy to blame God for the wrongs in my life instead of looking at myself. So perhaps my fear is that Im afraid of failing God.
I really don't have anyone to talk to about God and where I am at in my process. My family doesn't really discuss God or religion so they wouldn't understand. Its been a while since I've been to church. I don't have a church home anymore primarily because the people there seemed so judgemental. Instead of helping me become a better Christian they made me feel horrible for the decisions I had made and some things that were not within my control.
My fiance is from a wonderful Christian family but He has been a bit lost in his journey as well. That is one reason why we are looking forward to our marriage counseling and gettings started on the right track. We also agree finding a new church home is equally important.
Right now with my fiance being on the road so much we haven't had the opportunities to find a place to belong. I truly believe He has his fears and doubts such as I. And to be honest even though I am afraid I am ready to accept God in my life....I guess I just don't know really where to begin.....
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RE: Balancing life and becoming a good wife - 9/22/2008 11:51:05 AM
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Zhi
Posts: 1444
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline
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No matter how hard we try, we're going to make mistakes.
The important part is what we do after we make mistakes.
God knows you better than anyone possibly could. He already knows what mistakes you've made, and He knows what mistakes you're going to make, and He loves you anyway... so much that He sent His Son so He could have a relationship with you. There is nothing you can do that's going to surprise Him. The question is whether or not you're willing to accept His gift of salvation, and His forgiveness, and that you're willing to keep on working on being obedient to Him once you've made that choice.
With family, it's all about communication. Once you've joined His family, you need to keep the lines of communication open to God, repenting when you do mess up, being obedient, praying and reading His word. Once you've joined your fiance's family, you need to keep the lines of communication open with him... apologizing when you've hurt him or wronged him, making sure he knows how much you love him, working together on building your marriage. You are going to make mistakes regardless, so stop worrying about it. Deal with the mistakes as they come. God doesn't expect you to be perfect, and I doubt your fiance does either. Do your best to do well, deal with it when you mess up, and you'll be fine. :)
Also, let yourself off the hook on the wedding. My mother gave me some great advice for my wedding... she said "No matter what goes wrong, if you walk out of here with a signed piece of paper, it worked." Concentrate on the fact that you're getting married to a great guy, not whether or not the flower arrangements clash with the silverware. Ask friends and family for help, delegate, and if it's still too much, drop the stuff you don't need. Then, after the wedding, live your marriage one day at a time. As long as today you're working on your marriage, communicating with your husband, and doing the best you can, tomorrow will be fine too.
_____________________________
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
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