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12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/19/2008 2:55:45 PM
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Laine99
Posts: 16
Joined: 11/23/2007
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Is this a phase or is something not connecting? I have a son who can't stay on task, unless i'm right next to him or reminding him to go back and finish things. It's getting worse. He truly has a desire to help. But can't handle more than 1 instruction at a time. I admit I've become lazy in making him repeat what I've asked of him to make sure he understands..We did this for months when I was a stay at home mom, but now I'm working I forget to do that ...I feel he should be getting it by now. My husband brought up maybe his myelin sheath isn't fully developed and things just aren't connecting and maybe he'd get better. We were all becoming frustrated with each other and as parents have stepped back and gone back to sitting down with him for homework, pairing him w/sibling for chores. He's a smart kid but somethings not working right Anyone have anything similar going on?
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/19/2008 3:02:50 PM
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OLEEguacamole
Posts: 1108
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likely hormones. it affects the brain.
use written lists. if there is a to-do list write it down, establish that the son must keep checking the list. he will still forget...sorry.  but it will help.
be possitive and encouraging even when really having to walk through the need to finish and follow up etc.
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there's life in a pit.
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/19/2008 3:20:31 PM
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relady
Posts: 966
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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Is he having trouble keeping up at school? He could be ADD or ADHD. I'd talk to his doctor about it.
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/20/2008 11:00:02 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1643
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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Has he always been this way and you were hoping he'd be more mature at 12?
The reason I ask is that some personalities are easily distractable. This is not a statement of their maturity or their intelligence. Their brains just work differently. My husband needs a very busy brain. If he's only doing one thing at a time he's thinking of 2 others and planning a third. This makes it hard for him to do linear tasks. He needs lots of reminders and has difficulty completing one thing from start to finish but he's extremely creative, hard working, and an efficient multi-tasker.
It may also be he hasn't matured to the level you are expecting or hormonal changes.
As long as he is willing I would work with him. A whiteboard on the refrigerator with a list of tasks my help. Then you don't feel like your chasing him down like a truant 5 year old. He knows where the list is and can come back and check what's next. You can remind him to check the list if he's that far off track.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/20/2008 11:38:58 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11972
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
The reason I ask is that some personalities are easily distractable.
good point....my oldest can handle things at a younger age then my second can....because of their totally opposite personalities.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/24/2008 3:11:53 AM
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locomom
Posts: 240
Joined: 4/15/2005
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My daughter reached that point after she turned twelve. It even affected her AWANA work. Bear in mind that the girls director made a special award for my daughter because she said she had never seen a person who could memorize like my dd could. So my dd with the phenomenal memory suddenly could not memorize the last verse pack from April to the end of that AWANA year. The prior 15 verse pack she had been able to recite from beginning to end as well as from any particular verse. It really frustrated her. But she was changing a lot, eating constantly, emotional, etc. so we knew puberty had begun.
We also discovered that the more 12 yo there are in a room, the less sense you get from them.
As far as reminders go, I finally began fining my daughter work. What I told her was, "If I'm having to remember things for you and keep track of things for you and repeat myself, then I'm doing your work. If I'm doing your work, you will have to do some of mine in return." This improved her memory although she still wasn't perfect. It also defused the irritation between us, because I was so frustrated. And it helped me not to be overloaded. We also felt that we needed to motivate our dd to take more initiative in her own life, and that as long as we filled in for her she would sit back and let it happen. This part took a long time, but was good for her in the long run.
In contrast to assigning work for correction, kids this age need a lot of understanding, and you have to watch for when they need you to cut them some slack.
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/24/2008 9:29:14 AM
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timf
Posts: 699
Joined: 10/20/2006
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12 yr o boy inability completing tasks
Regardless of the degree age and temperament play in the problem, your son is the one who will soon have to live his life. You can be very candid with him about how this tendency will be an albatross around his neck (like in employment or dating). You can tell him that if he wants to learn how to manage this better, you can help him.
The key is getting him to see it as his problem and not your discontent. If he is willing to participate in exercises to improve his task completion ability, you can start with something trivial but repetitive that he has a problem with and put a chart on the wall as a measure so he can see any improvement. You can use exhortation and reward for motivation.
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RE: 12 yr o boy inability completing tasks - 4/24/2008 11:19:35 AM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 1985
Joined: 5/16/2005
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sounds like a lot of 12 year olds
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-Ben-
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